"These are the Days"

Gabism Question of the Day

2009-10-30T21:15:00.002-05:00

Gabi: Mommy would you rather be with someone who is mean to you, or someone who picks his nose?

Mommy: Well, I'd say somebody who picks his nose because nobody deserves to be treated poorly.

Gabi: Yah, but he picks it all night long.

LOL! Where in the world??? Idk. She is a hoot.

My Growing Girls

2009-10-13T18:37:00.003-05:00

Wow. Time flies. It truly does. Here are some recent pics of the girls- Gabi is 6 years and Ellie is 18 mos. So hard for me to believe.

First Day First Grade

2009-09-08T18:47:00.001-05:00

18 Months Ago Today and First Grade Tomorrow

2009-09-07T20:44:00.005-05:00

18 months ago today was March 7, 2008. Our precious Elliana was entered the world and captured our hearts. How is it possible that she is already 1.5 years old? Sigh. She continues to be SUPER SUPER busy and um, curious. She is into EVERYTHING, particularly that which she KNOWS she shouldn't be. Which is all the more reason to LOVE her.

Yesterday, we were at Brown's for ice cream, etc. and I leaned on my Mom as I was holding Ellie and said "My Mommy". Ellie, literally took both her hands and used them to pull my head off my Mom's shoulder. She kept patting my chest saying "My Mom, My Mom, My Mom". It was soooo cute!

Words she can say:

Mommy/Mama/Mom/My Mom
Daddy
Gah-Gah (aka Gabi)
Daisy
Good
Uh-huh (aka Why, YES I agree completely with that lovely idea)
Ease (aka Please)
Atch (aka Watch- pointing to the DVD player in van)
Ellie
Jes (aka Yes)
Side (aka outside)
Hot
Dis (aka this)
Das (aka that)
Eat
Baby Signs "more"

She knows what she wants, and how she wants it. She communicates clearly by shaking her head "no" when she doesn't want something, and pointing and saying "dis" when she does.

In other news, Gabi starts FIRST grade tomorrow!! I can't believe it! Again, another example of how quickly time flies. Sigh. She is more than ready, and I'm thrilled for her. It's just hard to let her go.

Hablas Espanol and so much more.....

2009-08-13T19:56:00.007-05:00

I've been so negligent in blogging this summer! It only stands to reason that the "Gabisms" are piling up! Here's a few of the "good" ones. LOL

All in a days shopping:

Gabi and I spent Tuesday at the Niagara Falls Outlet Mall school clothes shopping. There were a large number of LOTE (Language Other Than English) speaking individuals there. Gabi, not missing a beat, picked up on this. Here's our lunch conversation:

Gabi: From now on we are only going to speak to each other in Spanish. (of which she knows none)

Mommy: Spanish, really?

Gabi: (Starts pointing to objects and talking in broken, unrecognizable words.)

Mommy: Muy Bien tu hablas Espanol

Gabi: Ok, how about you speak English and I speak Spanish?

LOL! She kept up her version of Spanish for hours.

While at the mall she conned me into buying her yet another stuffed animal, a dog. She made me cut ALL the tags off of it so that people would "know it's a real dog". She proceeded to carry it around with her and randomly bark at people. When they would look at her, she would grin and pet her dog proudly.

The product of educators, indeed:

Last week, as I was getting ready for the day Gabi RUSHES into the bathroom and the following conversation ensues.

Gabi: (Frantically waving her arms and speaking in a desperate tone of voice) I NEED FOUR SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS AND I NEED THEM NOW! All my teachers are out, who is going to teach these kids? What will we do?

Mommy: (stifling laughter) Well, you are the Principal it's your job to take care of it.

Gabi: (without even a moment's hesitation) Actually, since YOU are the Vice Principal it's YOUR job to take care of it. It's MY job to MAKE SURE you do it!

(Did I mention Howie is a Principal and I'm a High School Counselor, lol!)

It's hard to believe that she will be turning SIX on Wednesday. My baby! Sigh.

Shared photo book from Teri

2009-08-12T14:17:00.001-05:00

Click here to view this photo book larger

Tennessee Trip 2009

2009-07-23T21:08:00.003-05:00

Click here to view these pictures larger

We just returned from an amazing vacation! It was awesome. We travelled with the Reardon family, and spent time with the Waits family as well. We were lucky to be able to bring two of Gabi's bio sisters with us for the first few days of the trip. We met up with the amazing Grandma Kathy there and she was able to spend time with all of us before taking the sisters back to her house for a visit.

I had sooo many pics, I narrowed it down to these "few". Jen, if you are reading this, I'll send you another link of all your Hannah and Emma sweet pics!!! xoxooxo

SUPERNANNY SIGHTING!

2009-06-02T21:01:00.003-05:00

Well, I think I've admitted this before, but I'll say it again. I'm starstruck. It doesn't matter who the star is. I'm a loser drawn to the drama of it all. (Anyone recall my blessed encounter with Capt. Merril Stubing?) LOL!

Soooooo, right around the corner from my house there is currently an episode of the Supernanny in production! The girls and I ventured down there after soccer. It was so worth it!

Eye, Eye Capt'n

2009-06-01T21:19:00.003-05:00

The verdict is in. Gabi has Amblyopia aka "Lazy Eye". The treatment: Six weeks of daily eye patching. Four hours per day. Rotating the eye to be patched daily.

So far so good. One would think that a child with sensory issues so extreme she can "feel" the flowers on her socks, would have an adversity to a band-aid being stuck to, and ripped off of her face daily. Nope. Not Gabi. She thinks it's cool.

She was disappointed that she didn't need glasses. In fact, so disappointed she has been wearing a pink pair of sunglasses (aka her "blind glasses") everywhere and telling people they are her real glasses, and not to listen to whatever I try to tell them about them. Even watching a DVD inside of the van. Glasses on. Sort of reminds me of the time she wrapped a Kleenex around her foot and declared it broken and in need of surgery- assuring everyone to not believe Mommy.

So anyway, we picked up a pack of patches (say that 10 times fast) and spent yesterday afternoon decorating them. She even labeled each day so that she would know which one to wear when looking for one.

Gabisms of the Day

2009-05-26T20:30:00.003-05:00

Holy cow I love looking at life through Gabi's eyes.

Speaking of eyes- she has had a weird thing happening with her right eye- it's been randomly moving outward and is freaking me out. So I made her an appt with the eye doctor. Gabi needs to be prepared for ANY possibility in life (lest she freak out) so I was explaining to her that sometimes when people have this problem it's called "lazy eye" and they have to wear a patch to help strengthen it.

Mommy: So there is a possibility that you will have to wear a patch over one eye, sort of like a pirate.

Gabi: (in an "aha" state) Ooooh, so pirates have lazy eyes.

We had a campfire the other night. It was my turn to tell a "ghost" story.

Mommy: So, there was this little girl sitting near a campfire....

Gabi: (Interrupts with a scream from out of the blue) DAMN, I know it's me!!!

Here's a little how tonight's random conversation went:

Gabi- Mommy we have a new rule in Kindergarten. You aren't allowed to touch your "pen-ex" anymore.

Mommy- What??

Gabi- You know, your pen-ex (while grabbing her crotch) you can only scratch it really quick, but you can't touch it.

Mommy- Wow (while mentally appreciating the job her teacher daily encounters and wondering if this was something college prepared her to handle) so, was this happening a lot that a rule needed to be made?

Gabi- Yup. Some kids were grabbing their pen-ex's all the time even (as she visually demonstrates) putting their hands in their pants. Not me though. Nope, I don't ever grab my pen-ex. I just scratch a little above it.

Such a Slacker! (Sorry, Sarah!)

2009-05-24T21:40:00.003-05:00

Wow! Ellie is a much busier child than I can ever remember Gabi being. We never needed cabinet door locks with Gabi. For Ellie, we could use a lock on EVERY move able surface area and still not feel its "child proofed" enough! SHE IS INTO EVERYTHING!

She is so darling though. She says "Hi" all the time. It comes out more like "Hiiiii' (sounding as if she's saying "Hiiiii, how have you been, haven't seen you for awhile") lol.

Gabi continues to keep us laughing. She has so many one-liners, and a sarcasm about her that has no business in the mind of a 5 year old.

Tonight, we were having a campfire and telling ghost stories. I started the story by talking about "a little girl at a campfire". Out of the clear blue Gabi yells "DAMN, I know that's about me". So hard for me not to laugh!!!

Today, I took Gabi to get her haircut. When we were leaving she said "I wish she could be my Mommy also" about the hairdresser. Then she proceeds to say "Actually, you could be the Grandma and she can be my Mommy". ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THEN she says, "Well how about you be my tummy Mommy just like Cole, and then she can adopt me..

BRCA 1 & BRCA 2, NOT ME, PHEW!!!!

2009-05-10T17:54:00.003-05:00

On Friday, I learned that I do NOT carry either the BRCA 1 or the BRCA 2 gene mutations, which indicate a higher risk for Ovarian and Breast cancers. This news is PHENOMENAL!!

My sister is doing well. She has her final chemo on May 20 (my 34th bday). We will celebrate indeed! She will hopefully have the 3 rounds of radiation after that. Her CA 125 counts have been incredibly low, so that's amazing news as well. I can't wait until this is all behind us. I'm starting to believe that it really is going to be okay.

So long, Reglan

2009-04-26T20:59:00.002-05:00

Today marks the official first day that Ellie is no longer on Reglan! I am soooo excited! We have been weaning her off of it for the past three weeks. She is also fully on milk. Yup, no more Nutramigin! She even eats yogurt and had her first ice cream last night. It's so fabulous! Woo Hoo!

She is still on Zantac twice daily. We go back to gastro Dr. next month.

Of Gabisms, Genetics, and Goodness!

2009-04-22T21:57:00.004-05:00

Gabisms:

Some of the latest:

Yesterday, I had the girls in the tub. Just as Howie (who happens to be THE MOST NEUROTIC father) walks by Ellie does some "Superfly" wrestling move where she stands up and throws herself down. Yes, all this in the tub. So, eagle eyes walks by and YELLS "OOOHH, IS SHE OKAY!?!?!" as he prepares himself for CPR, AED, or other lifesaving gestures. Meanwhile, Gab and I have barely moved. We're calm. We see these miniature Hulk Hogan moves all the time. So Gabi looks at Howie then looks at me, and says "Why is he so draaamatic?"

Gram was telling me about a conversation she had with Gabi:
Gram: (looking at a pink VS bag)- "Victoria's Secret... why does that sound so familiar?"
Gabi: "Perhaps you buy your underwear there like my Mommy does?"

Onto Genetics:

Went to Strong Genetics a few weeks back. My sister was feeling too ill from the chemo she had just had a few days earlier to attend. So, I went by myself. It was scary but highly informative. The genetic counselor spent a ton of time with me educating and answering questions. At the end of the appointment I was given a little kit to take upstairs to the blood draw lab. My blood was drawn without much incident (other than me falling, but that's a whole other story lol). I have an appointment on May 8 for the results. I am so nervous and pretty consumed with "what if's". I keep reminding myself to SHUT UP and just wait. Either way, I can do nothing about it until then. It's in God's hands.

and Finally, Goodness:

Life is GOOD! Elliana is walking!!! She took her first steps at the annual Adoptive Families Easter Egg Hunt and really took off on Monday, April 13. There has been nothing stopping her since then! She is on a MISSION! Her mission you ask? To get into ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that she shouldn't be into!

Gabi is doing great as well. Enjoying her spring break and continually maturing as the 40-year-old-in-a-five-year-old body that she is!

Nicki is finishing up her first year at ACP. She is doing well and although I CAN'T wait to have her home, I am so happy for her. I know she is enjoying life.

We have a major wedding coming up in May. Our niece Michele, (Howie's sister's daughter) is getting married at the Hotel Pierre (formerly the Four Seasons) in Manhattan. It's so exciting and should be an amazing time. Lots of pressure though!!! Ahhhh!

Happy Easter 2009

2009-04-12T18:58:00.002-05:00

"I don't believe it! An awe-toe-mah-tick baby rocker!" ~Uncle Roy

2009-04-10T22:52:00.006-05:00

Last week my perfectly healthy Uncle (Uncle Roy) was suddenly in severe stomach pain. They rushed him to the hospital to find out hours later that he had developed a blood clot that had killed off much of his large intestine. A week and five surgeries later, with all of his large intestine removed and 75% of his small intestine, he has just been taken off of life support. The hardest part is that my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin live in Australia. How in the world do you appropriately mourn for and grieve the life of someone who lives so far away that you can't even hop on an airplane to get there?

As you may recall, they were just here in April/May when my Gram was sick. He was the first person to make Ellie laugh. And boy did she LAUGH at him! When he first saw Ellie's plush papasan swing he was startled! He gasped (in his British sounding Aussie accent) "Why I don't believe it! An automatic (awe-toe-mah-tick) baby rocker!" And at 2 months old, she thought that was the funniest thing in the world .

Update: Uncle Roy passed away today, April 11, 2009. So long sweet Uncle, so long.

Tomorrow's the Day

2009-04-08T19:16:00.002-05:00

Surgery is tomorrow morning. We need to be there at 7am. I'm soooo nervous about the anesthesia. I know it will be okay, but I can't help but worry. I'll post an update tomorrow.

"Eye" Just Don't Know!

2009-03-17T20:10:00.002-05:00

Took Ellie to the eye Dr. today. Her left tear duct is still clogged which means that she is going to need surgery. It's a minor procedure, but she will need to have general anesthesia. Ugh!!!!!

Spring has SPRUNG! (for today, anyways)

2009-03-15T13:23:00.005-05:00

Oh how I LOVE THE SPRING!!!!! Spring is blissful anticipation. The kind where you awake each day, knowing that the earth is awakening with you. Spring is full of renewal; it's like that old friend, who no matter how much time passes between visits, you can pick up right where you left off without missing a beat. I love that after Spring comes SUMMER. The knowledge that for the next 6 months or so, warm weather and sunshine are sure to follow. The dread of winter is not upon us. It's nearly a memory, despite what our calendars say. So, I for one say WELCOME BACK, SPRING. Welcome back!

Uncontrollable- Waiting for an Adoption

2009-03-12T19:27:00.001-05:00

--I found this on my computer today- I wrote it on April 30, 2007 almost a year before Ellie was born. Thought it might help my waiting friends.

Uncontrollable

One word to describe my life: uncontrollable. The problem with that is that I have spent years of my life tricking myself into thinking that I had total control over things. It was essential. I needed that feeling of control for my "safety". What now? Now that I face yet another month, another week, another day, another hour, another minute, another second, waiting. My heart aches. It's the unknown that gets me. If I just had something to grasp, to keep me a float while I await this due date that never comes. A due date. Life is measured in time. With a due date you know if you're early, or late, or perfectly on time. Without one there is no measure of your progress. No measure of how far you've come, and how much further you've to go.

I feel like have this secret life, my own personal hell.... this is where I live:

I NEVER let more than 10 minutes pass without looking at my phone to make sure that I didn't miss a 716 call.

I JUMP with hopeless expectation EVERY time my phone rings. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I can't walk through my own house without feeling like an inmate at San Quentin. The baby gear that sits unused glaring at me, taunting me reminds me that I am trapped, with my release in the hands of others.

I feel guilty many days because I should be happy with what God has given me. With that little angelic presence who said to me today, quite randomly: "If you weren't my Mommy, I would be so sad I wouldn't ever come out of my room."

I refuse to get our family pictures done because they will feel too empty.

I feel guilty because some days I think I spend more time thinking about the child that is to come, than the ones that are already here.

I find myself yearning for this baby to arrive; to be able to spend the rest of my life nurturing and growing this amazing being. To be there for all the "firsts", and seconds, and thirds. Then it occurs to me; she won't get to see these things. As I am suspended in this "waiting" phase, so is she. She only gets to spend nine months nurturing and growing this amazing being. I imagine what she must be feeling. Whether she is in her 4th week or her 40th, she is also waiting. Her wait must be infinitely harder than mine.

I need to look beyond myself. Beyond my yearnings and imagine hers.

So wherever you may be, I admire you, I believe in you and I ache for you.

Happy First Birthday, Cullen!!!

2009-03-11T12:08:00.002-05:00

Happy Birthday to our Little Man! We love you, Cullen!!

Happy First Birthday, Elliana!!!

2009-03-07T21:34:00.005-05:00

I am definitely the luckiest woman alive. Happy Happy Birthday to Elliana! This little girl has completed our family in so many ways.

The Week of Reflections Has Begun

2009-02-28T20:11:00.005-05:00

It happens with Gabi, so why am I surprised that it is happening with Ellie? Today, I am carrying a bittersweet cloud. I am in awe that Ellie is already going to be one in just 7 days. I am overcome with love for her. And I am sad that this all comes at the expense of another woman's loss. Yearly, I have shed tears on Gabi's birthday for Nicole. Not because I think she is longing for her or regretting her decision. It is for what I see everyday. What I know she has lost. For what she will never know in this little girl that she created. At first, it was a cognizant thought. I remembered to remember her. On her third birthday, in a gift shop on Martha's Vineyard, with no warning a sob caught in my throat and brought me to my knees. I mourn for what neither of my daughters birth mothers will ever know. I mourn for them, the absence of these amazing children in their lives.

Every waiting adoptive parent should buy an adoption "waiting" journal. For Gabi, I had "Til There Was You: An Adoption Expectancy Journal" and for Ellie I used "Waiting for You: An Heirloom Adoption Journal for My Future Child".

I was recently reflecting on some of my entries in the Ellie book.

I found the following excerpt both inspiring and blissful:

February 25, 2008 (month 19 of being "homestudy ready")

"My dearest Elliana~ I can finally sit down and write directly to YOU! Oh Ellie, in just 11 days you will enter this world and become a permanent member of our family. How I am longing to meet you! Your birthmother, Angela is such a kind person. She wants the best in life for you and I promise to always remember that!"

Nearly one year later, I still remember the love that Angela feels for her. Daily, I thank God for allowing us the joy of raising this perfect little being we call "Ellie".

Quick Update

2009-02-25T07:41:00.006-05:00

I have been so negligent on my blog these days. Not much has been happening. Just enjoying every second of life with our girls. Today, we are home because Gabi woke in the night with a terrible case of that nasty stomach flu. :-(

We spent the weekend at a waterpark in Niagara Falls. It was such a blast. We traveled with the Reardon's and it's so fun seeing the kids together. Cullen and Ellie definitely recognize each other. They greet with a hug and both of them saying "aaahhhhh". It's so adorable!!

2009-02-14T08:53:00.000-05:00

My Beautiful Uterus

2009-02-12T20:11:00.003-05:00

That's right, I said it. My uterus is beautiful. Oh, and my ovaries are perfect. This is all according to the results of the not-so-pleasant-catheter-in-the-va-jay-jay-sonar-histogram I had this afternoon. Yayyyy! More good results. They did send out a sample of the uterine lining for a biopsy, but Dr. expects it to be just fine. One more sigh of relief. If only we had known to do these tests for my sister. :(

Some new Gabisms for ya:

Gabi: My allergies are really acting up today.

Mom: Oh yah, what allergies?

Gabi: Well you know I'm allergic to stop lights, cd players, and driver side door handles.

Here's another.......

Gabi was in her bedroom "teaching her kids" (which consists of about 25 stuffed animals). Howie and I opened her door to talk to her about dinner or something.

Gabi: "Oh my gosh my class is right here, this is SO EMBARRASSING."

Packing list for an out of state adoption

2009-02-07T15:27:00.002-05:00

Can you BELIEVE it??????? Our baby is 11 months old today?!?!? I know I can't! This time last year we were anxiously counting down the days until March.

One month to the day before our departure for Indiana I started packing Ellie's suitcase. I scoured the Internet for "lists" of what I "should" be packing. I didn't find much. I came across my list recently and decided to post it here. Hopefully, it will be helpful (especially to Mark and Janet :) xoxo).

Ellie's Packing List

Blankets: 1 regular cotton, 3 receiving, 2 swaddle, 1 small quilt to use in hotel room as a changing pad base

Winter Coat & Hat

Newborn hats: 5

Mitts: 1 pair (ended up going to BRU while there to buy more)

Onesies: 10 white and 1 "I <3 Daddy"

Gowns: 7

Sleepsacks: 2

Socks: 8 pairs plus one pair of booties

PJ's: One pair

Burp cloths: 7

Outfits: 8

Microwave Bottle Sterilizer: Never Used

Bouncy Seat: Assembled there. Used often in hotel- especially for her to sleep in.

Infant Car Seat with JJ Cole Cover

Diapers & Wipes

Disposable infant washcloths

We ended up using most of what we packed except the outfits. I mostly just kept her in gowns because they were so practical.

When you are traveling out-of-state for an adoption it is impossible to know how long you will be there. We were there for 7 nights. If you can, DEFINITELY stay close to the hospital in a SUITE (with a separate bedroom and a kitchen). Call the concierge at the hotel and tell them why you are coming. They have amazing connections.

We went shopping at a Super Target the night we arrived and bought food. We were also traveling with our 4 year old, so snacks and breakfast food were uber important.

I also packed little "surprises" for our 4 year old to open along the way, including a special one for the hospital. (A doll and car seat like Mommy's).

Go to the Chamber of Commerce website for the city you will be staying in. They have some great recommendations. Also, if you won't be traveling with a GPS (which I highly recommend) print out directions to and from hospital, hotel, and restaurants in advance.

What we didn't bring:

Formula- didn't know what kind she would be on. Hospital provided more than enough to get us through the week and then some.

Pack and Play- it was too cumbersome. We just used her car seat and the bouncy chair.

Infant Stain Removing Product and detergent- Had to go buy that while we were there, too. Bring some!!!

Yayyyyyyyy!!!!!

2009-02-05T20:50:00.001-05:00

Normal CA-125 levels are 35 and under. Mine is 4.2. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Takin' Care of Business

2009-02-03T20:46:00.002-05:00

Apparently, when your sister gets cancer of the uterus and ovaries it means many things for many people. Obviously, the worst is that she is sick. That she has to go through seemingly endless injections of poison in order to make her feel better. And it's terrible to watch her go through this. It's debilitating to watch your Mom as she struggles in comprehending the magnitude of the fact that her eldest daughter is very, very sick.

There are also the silent, selfish thoughts that plague one who's family seems prone to hereditary cancers. The biggest question of all of course being, "Will this happen to me?" It is compounded by the fact that every medical professional encourages one's siblings to be diligent in cancer awareness and screenings.

So, being the psycho-somatic freak that I am, I have decided to heed these words of wisdom.

Here is where I am at in the process:

Yesterday, had the CA-125 blood test. Results expected by Thursday.

Next Thursday (2/13/09)- Sonar Histogram

Next Month- First genetic testing appointment at Strong for my sister and I.

In the extremely rare event that anything comes back even slightly abnormal I will have a laproscopic procedure to explore inside the uterus.

Make & Take and a Sledding Date!

2009-02-01T17:56:00.004-05:00

This morning, Lisa, Sue and I made our way to Make & Take where we prepared 6+ meals for later consumption. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it!! I felt like Rachel Ray!! :)

Afterwards, Howie and I took the girls sledding and for some outside play in the yard. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! :)

I know there's a connection here, but WHERE??

2009-01-20T21:23:00.003-05:00

First: My sister is doing well. She has her first chemotherapy on Tuesday. I have posted a link at the top of this blog page to her "caringbridge" site where I frequently post updates.

**************************************************************************************************************

This morning on the way to Gram and Pap's I was explaining to Gabi about the importance of today:

Mommy: Did you know that today is a monumental day in American history?

Gabi: Why?

Mommy: Because a "brown man" (as she calls him) is becoming President for the very first time.

Gabi: (dismissively) Cool.

pause

pause

Gabi: Do you think sharks eat brown people too, or just white people?

HUH??? WHAT???

Unsolicited Advice A La Gabi

2009-01-15T21:46:00.002-05:00

Walking out the door this morning at 6:30am....

Gabi: [Looks me up and down a time or two] "Your nose is a little bit too crooked for those boots. But don't worry Mommy, you'll grow into it."

Sister at Sister's

2009-01-10T10:08:00.002-05:00

Still at Sister's Hospital with my sister. I have put a link at the top of the blog entries that goes directly to her Caringbridge site where we post more frequently.

Today is Saturday. We have been here since Thursday. Mom and I have been staying at Hope Lodge which is a gorgeously restored mansion that the American Cancer Society supports. It's such a gift. We are truly only there to sleep and shower. We have been getting in from hospital at 10pm and are right back here by 8:30am.

Unfortunately, the surgery to remove her lymph nodes did indicate that the cancer had spread to them. Two were very large and infested with the cancer. The others were positive, but not as obvious.

This puts her at Stage IIIC Ovarian and Stage IIIC Uterine Cancers. I keep repeating that IIIC in my head. That's what Aunt Annette was. IIIC. Eighteen months and three days after her diagnosis she was gone.

The Dr. assures us that although it is IIIC each case is different. We must remember that.

As I sit here watching her sleeping, I can't imagine the hell that lies before her. She is so brave. I myself would need to be restrained given my "love" of medical procedures that IGNITES my panic attacks to the Nth DEGREE!! I would still trade places with her.

Surgery

2009-01-06T20:58:00.002-05:00

Surgery to remove lymph nodes is Thursday January 8, 2009. Updates then.
xxxooo

Dr's Dr's Dr's

2009-01-05T19:36:00.004-05:00

Last night Mom, Gidget, and I headed to the Millennium Hotel in Buffalo so that we would be close by for today's 7:00am appointment with the Gynecologic Oncologist. This was the appointment we had been anxiously anticipating as we prepared ourselves to hear the results of the recent CT/PET scan, as well as the findings of the in-depth review of her pathology slides from the hysterectomy.

Today we learned this:

--She has two forms of cancer- uterine and ovarian.

--The PET scan was "positive" which means that cancer was present in her lymph nodes.

--There was also evidence of cancer on her fallopian tubes.

The plan is:

--Another surgery ASAP (within 10 days) to remove her lymph nodes. This will allow for precise staging of the cancer as well.

--Chemotherapy

--Radiation Therapy

It's all so much to swallow. It's just a nightmare with no escape upon awakening.

We did have some "mandatory fun" (per my demands) at the hotel last night. We swam, ate big slices of chocolate cake, mighty taco, and watched Desperate Housewives snuggled up in bed. I think we even forgot that mandatory part for awhile!

Crib Time

2009-01-02T13:33:00.002-05:00

Gabi, Allie, and Mackenzy 1994

Cullen and Ellie Jan 1, 2009

I couldn't resist getting this shot of the twins when they were in Ellie's crib yesterday. Took me back to thier big sisters hanging out in there.

Visiting With Gabi's Birthfamily

2008-12-28T20:59:00.004-05:00

Gabi and her bio-brother Tyler (Is that the same face or what??)

Ellie and Cole (Gabi's Tummy Mommy)

Uncle Andrew, Aunt Michelle and Gabi's Cousins and Sisters

Yesterday, we traveled to Buffalo for a visit with Gabi's birthfamily. First, we visited with her birthmom Nicole (or "Cole" as Gabi calls her), and Gabi's brother Tyler. Afterwards, we went to Aunt Michelle and Uncle Andrew's house where cousins Andrew, Caitlyn, and Alyssa were. Along with her sisters Ashley and Erica. It was an awesome day!

Favorite Shots from Christmas and Hannukah

2008-12-28T11:08:00.005-05:00

Milk and Cookies for Santa. Orange for Reindeer

Twas the Night Before Christmas....

....Not a Creature was Stirring....

...In Hopes that St. Nick Soon Would be There.

Nicki and her boyfriend Cody at Hannukah Party

Ellie and her boyfriend Cullie :)

Menorah Lighting

"Rocking Out" Girls

Five or Fifteen???

Farewell Bill, Farewell

2008-12-25T10:34:00.003-05:00

Please join me in sending prayers to the Reardon Family as they say goodbye to Grandpa Bill.

Bill was without a doubt, an excellent father and grandfather. His greatest joys came from being with his family. He will be missed by all that knew and loved him.

From Bad to Worse

2008-12-24T21:45:00.002-05:00

We went to the oncologist today in Buffalo. He straightforwardly told us that he thinks it's ovarian cancer, not uterine. Many of you know that our beloved Aunt Annette (who Ellie is named after) died of Ovarian cancer 6 years ago. 18 months after she was diagonsed. She was also stage III but she was at C not A.

This Dr. is very thorough and I'm confident that he is checking all of his options before he comes up with a course of treatment.

His main concern is her age. She is only 36 and he kept stressing how rare this cancer is at her age. He also said there is a chance that she has two different cancers working (ovarian and uterine).

So here is where we are at:

Friday- she see's our OB/GYN here

Wed 12/31- CT/PET scan in Buffalo (full body scan)

Mon 1/5- Appointment with gynecological oncologist to discuss results and treatment

Her pathology slides are being sent to the head of pathology at a hospital in Buffalo for extensive review.

She also has to get more bloodwork.

I can't believe this is real. It's like we have boarded a train that none of us wanted to get on. But instead of having control to get off of it, it's just accelerating to the point where we can't even see the scenery passing us by it's just a blur.

At the Christmas Eve service tonight I had such a flood of emotions. Our family is so complete. Ellie is finally here. I have so much to be thankful for. And then the word "cancer" punches me in the gut.

Uterine Cancer

2008-12-23T21:12:00.002-05:00

Stage IIIA.

We are off to Buffalo in the am so that she can see a radiologist. Already. No waiting. They want to see her NOW.

More later.....

Everything Old is New Again

2008-12-22T13:46:00.004-05:00

As I had mentioned before, Howie was in a car accident two weeks ago. His car was deemed "a total loss". Being the sweet man that he is, he willingly took our 2007 Subaru Outback Wagon for himself. We bouught this car last December when the lease was up on our 2004 Honda Odyssey. I LOVED my Odyssey. But, gas prices were out of control this time last year, with no end in sight. So, being the practical minded people that we (err, he) is (are) we purchased the Subaru.

I've complained loudly. I've complained often. Rotten of me, I know. But think about it, we went from two (including Nicki) children and a van to three children and a car. It was sooo crowded in that car! Poor Nicki had to ride back there with two car seats for 10 hours on our way home from Indiana. Anyway, I digress.

Thanks to my wonderful husband (and a lady in an out of control SUV on an icy road one Monday morning) we picked up my very new, very own 2008 Honda Odyssey on Saturday!!!

There were MAJOR incentives on the 08 models. The only one they had left in stock has a DVD and Navigation system! Holy cow?!?!? Do I really own this luxury vehicle?? It's a long way from my very first car- a 1985 Ford Escort (purchased in 1994).

Also, we had to replace car seats because of the accident. Got Gabi a cute new booster and I took this opportunity to purchase Ellie's first big girl car seat. She has all but outgrown the infant carrier, and at 9 months and 21 pounds it's breaking my back to carry her in it!!!

Sooooo here are some stock photos of our new "stuff".......

Merry Chrismukkah!

2008-12-21T22:02:00.005-05:00

Quick update on my sister- she has an appointment on Tuesday for the results of her biopsy from the hysterectomy. Thanks for your continued prayers...I will let you know.

In other news........

Tonight we celebrated the first night of Hannukah. I truly love that our daughters are so richly blessed with two different cultures to experience.

"I Hat My Mom"

2008-12-15T21:09:00.004-05:00

Should I be proud, or should I be in tears??? Gabi constructed one of her very first written sentences today. She showed it to me and said "What does this say?" I looked at it and gasped! Could my sweet baby girl really have written what I think she was trying to write ("I hat my Mom)!?!? I actually started to cry- (dramatic, I know- but I was really hurt AND I wanted her to KNOW how upset I was).

She started crying too and said "Mommy, I didn't mean to write that, I didn't"

I finally got out of her that she had written it when she was mad at me because I made her go to bed and wouldn't let her sit with me. We promised each other that we would NEVER say that to or about each other again (even when she is an angry teenager-does writing about it here make it legally binding in 10 years??). She made us PINKY SWEAR on it!

I did congratulate her on writing the words so well. She said "Does that really spell hate?"
I told her it was very close, that she had just left off the "e". To which she responds "See- it doesn't say hate!! I didn't write that- I forgot the "e". Lol!!

In other recent "Gabisms".......

On the radio the other morning they were talking about The Nobel Peace Prize. Gabi asked what it was....

Mommy: It's a very, very special award that not many people get. You have to do something really, really good and nice for other people.

Gabi: Are we going to get that award?

Mommy: No, honey- it's a REALLY BIG award that very few people get world-wide.

Gabi: I think I'm going to get it. Remember, I held the door open for you the other day?

Another car conversation......

She kept asking for her backpack, and then giving it back to me to keep in the front seat.

Gabi: Mommy, I need my backpack I have a snack in there and I'm REALLY hungry.

Mommy: Gabi this is the LAST time I'm going to pass this bag back to you. It's too dangerous while I'm driving.

Gabi: I'll tell you what's dangerous. What's dangerous is me not getting something to eat.

Tis the Season to be....STRESSED!

2008-12-15T19:13:00.003-05:00

Ugh. Where to begin? Where to begin?

Last Monday Howie was in a car accident on his way to work. He was not at all hurt, just severely shaken up. Found out today that the car is officially "totalled". Last December when the lease on our BELOVED Honda Odyssey was up, we sadly "down-graded" to a Subaru Outback in effort to save money in gas. I have been quite miserable ever since. It looks like we are going to be getting another Odyssey this weekend, and Howie will likely take the Subaru, but that leaves us with two car payments for the next four years. :(

Yesterday, my sister had an emergency hysterectomy. She has been suffering from severe abdominal pain for the past few months, and it was recently discovered that she had a mass on her ovary. She had exploratory surgery scheduled for later this month. Her pain was so severe that she was back in the ER Saturday evening. The mass had grown from 6 inches to 11 inches in ONE WEEK!!! They decided to go in and do surgery yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, they had to do a complete hysterectomy. We won't know for about a week if she has ovarian cancer. We are of course praying that she's fine.

My Aunt died from this horrific cancer six years ago. She was only 44. My sister is only 36. The good news is that the Dr. is "optimistic" (75%) that it's NOT cancer. She doesn't have any kids, and has always said that she didn't want any.

I find myself grieving more than her for the loss of her uterus. I'm sad that my Mom never gets to see either of her two daughters pregnant. She of course, doesn't care about that, as long as we are healthy.

Here's a THROWBACK pic!!!!

Teri and Gidget circa 1994

Gabism of the Week

2008-12-08T20:20:00.003-05:00

As many of you know, Gabi has some, er, sensory issues. She refuses to wear certain things that I would just LOVE to put her in (tights, jeans, adorable shoes...) I'm sloooowly letting go of my need to control things.

This year, I got her knee highs to go with her Christmas outfit. Brilliant! She can still look adorable, and stay warm.

This is what we heard coming from the backseat yesterday on the way to our annual xmas party.

"I NEED to take these socks off! Mommy, I NEED to take them off! These socks are SO NOT ME!"

Here's a pic of her still in pout mode. What you can't see is how she has folded her sweet little knee highs down to her ankles like bobby socks:

What a difference a YEAR makes......

2008-12-06T21:55:00.006-05:00

One year ago today "A" called our 800 number for the very first time!!

I'll never forget it. It was a Thursday. I had called STAR earlier that morning and talked to our social worker about the sadness that engulfed me. We had just been told that we hadn't been selected for a case.

I was sitting in my office talking to the Athletic Director. My cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I took a deep breath and answered, as one must always be alert when monitoring an 800 adoption line. It was "A". She said that she had seen our ad and wasn't even sure why she called it. I remember saying "So you are currently pregnant?" At this point, Keith, the AD excused himself from my office.

"A" explained to me that she really thought that she was going to work with an agency (to ensure that we weren't "crazies") but felt compelled to call when she read our ad. I explained that we actually were working in conjunction with an agency and that if she was interested, she could call them to learn more about us.

We spoke for a few more minutes. It felt SO natural talking with her. I was instantly at ease. She laughed a lot and talked really fast, likely due to her nerves. When we hung up she said that she would call STAR. I encouraged her to call me at anytime.

As soon as we hung up I dialed STAR. (Well, after doing the happy dance all around my office). Amanda answered the phone, and "A" had already called!! She was already on the other line with another STAR worker! My heart SOARED at the possibility that THIS-JUST-MIGHT-BE-IT!!!!

Fast forward to the next morning- Friday December 7, 2007- 11:30am. I was driving in my car down Main St. (not sure why I wasn't at work...some things never change, wink wink). My phone rang. I instantly recognized the number with anticipation. A number that only 24 hours before had meant nothing to me.

It was "A". She indicated that she had talked to the people at our agency, viewed our profile online and said "I'm gonna choose you guys, I want you to adopt my baby". I started SCREAMING and CRYING at the same time. She seemed almost surprised at how much this meant to me. She kept saying "Aw, now your gonna make me cry".

Exactly 3 months to the day later, on March 7, 2008 our beautiful Elliana was born.

I still look at her with awe. Heck, five years later, I still look at Gabi the same way. It's amazing. Someone entrusted us to raise their baby girl. To be her everything. To love and cherish and adore her for always. Twice. We are humbled and honored to be called Mommy and Daddy by these amazing little girls. Thank you "N". Thank you "A". Thank you.

Our first look at our baby girl.....

What a difference a YEAR makes.....

.

Happy Holidays, My Friends

2008-12-06T00:11:00.001-05:00

Santa as Explained by a Jewish Man

2008-12-03T20:14:00.003-05:00

Oy Vey! Howie was just telling me about his conversation with Gabi.

Howie: Want to go Christmas shopping with me this weekend?

Gabi: No

Howie: Why not?

Gabi: I can't be with you when you buy me my Christmas presents.

Howie: We already bought you your presents.

Gabi: No you didn't those are all for Ellie. (She knows where our stash is- not what it is)

Howie: No they are for you. Santa dropped them off. He's coming back this week with the rest.

WHAT?? What the heck!?!?!?! So now Santa is like the UPS man, making frequent pre-Christmas deliveries?? Oy Vey!!!!! How am I going to explain this one??

The Best Christmas Gift!

2008-12-03T11:00:00.003-05:00

Look at what I found under the tree this morning.... don't think I could ask for anything more. :)

"You'll Shoot Your Eye Out"

2008-11-30T20:25:00.003-05:00

Last night Howie, Gabi, and I went out on a date. First we went to our favorite restaurant- Carrabba's YUM! Then we went to GEVA to see "A Christmas Story". It was AMAZING! Oh how I remember the days when I thought that the perfect Christmas present would make the world right. For me, it was a Cabbage Patch Kid.

We had front row seats, which was really cool. I LOVED watching Gabi as she took in every bit of it. She was mesmerized. At the end she declared that she "really liked it, especially that bully".

So Much to be THANKFUL for

2008-11-26T21:24:00.006-05:00

Thanksgiving. THANKSgiving. ThanksGIVING. I have sooooo much to be thankful for. I am aware of this every day. I am blessed. I wish all of YOU, my readers, lurkers, and stalkers a very BLESSED Thanksgiving as well.

In other news......

Ellie has a new look.....

isn't that hysterical? She does it all the time.

She also has a new trick.........

I'm a LOSER!

2008-11-25T21:11:00.003-05:00

Actually, THE BIGGEST LOSER to be precise.

We had a contest at work. The person to lose the most weight, percentage wise was declared the winner.

I lost 6% and WON!

I almost feel like I was cheating, because I am also on WW. I won $129.00!! Just enough to cover my weekly WW costs!

It feels so good to have some control over my weight. Ever since college, I have struggled with this up down up down roller coaster. It's maddening. I'm in a good place right now. Hope I stay here for a LONG LONG time!

"You just wait...."

2008-11-19T21:29:00.004-05:00

Oh how I remember hearing those words which were usually followed by something like "God is going to give you a child JUST LIKE YOU."

Fast forward several years.

(Clearly, I lived with a fortune teller.)

It seems that Miss Gabi is having an extremely hard time learning when it's appropriate to talk and when she needs to zip it. Did I mention that EVERY year my report card comments would read something like this...."Teri is a bright student however, she talks too much." Each semester, each year throughout Elementary school, my report cards would have some type of variation of that comment.

Enter September 2008. My sweet daughter is having a very hard time controlling her "Gab"bing at school. Her teacher uses a visual warning system. The children start on green everyday and then are asked to move their cards to yellow, orange, and red (in that order) throughout the day if the behavior continues. They can also work their way back up to green.

We take it very seriously when she comes home on any color other than green. Lately, she has had too many yellow days- and even an orange here and there. She always reports that it's because she has been talking.

I called my Mom for some advice. Asked her what she did to help me. You know what she did? She LAUGHED. Yup. That's right. Laughed a satisfying hearty bellow.

Gabi is also way too smart for me. Here is how tonight's conversation went.

Mommy: Gabi, I'm really disappointed that you are on yellow for the second day in a row.

Gabi: Mommy, I just don't know what I would ever do without you. You are so beautiful and I just love you so much.

Mommy: Thank you Gabi, I love you too that's why I want you to be responsible and make good choices.

Gabi: Mommy, I really can't imagine what I would ever do without you. I would never even kiss anybody ever again.

Mommy: (Quietly smiled to myself as I thought....You just wait....)

EEeek- Brilliant or "Lucky"?

2008-11-18T19:42:00.002-05:00

Is she brilliant? Is she trying to tell me how smart she is by RIPPING the first letter of her name off of my laptop? Is this some kind of secret infant communication she's sending my way?

Hah! If only!!!

As you can see, SOMEHOW when Ellie was sitting on my lap and I made the FOOLISH mistake of turning my head away for a split second she managed to deface my keyboard!

Anyone know how to fix this? It doesn't pop back on like a regular keyboard key. UGH!!

Mama Maaama

2008-11-17T20:29:00.004-05:00

One week ago today- Monday November 10, 2008 my baby started saying her first word- "Mama"!!! That's right- NOT Dada!!! :)

She also sprouted her 7th tooth today, right on cue with her buddy Cullen. It's freakish how in sync those two are! :0

Process a WHAT?

2008-11-15T10:08:00.002-05:00

OMG! Last night Gabi was telling me that she needed to do "re-surch". She said that meant you had to look things up to learn more about them. She then said "Mom it's all a Prostitution." At which point I nearly ran over a mailbox and said "It's a WHAT?" She says once again a "Prostitution, you know a Process-a-tution" (which she says reallllly sllooowly and enunciates each letter as if I'm the dumbest person on the planet for not knowing what she was saying to me. OY!!!!!!!!

Gabism of the Day

2008-11-12T20:16:00.000-05:00

"Why can't this whole world just be pink?"

She asked THE Question

2008-11-09T19:32:00.003-05:00

THE question that I had been dreading..... while we were driving......

Gabi: Mommy, is Vicky getting a baby?

Mommy: She is having a baby, not getting one. Most tummy Mommy's raise the babies that they deliver.

Gabi: So some tummy Mommies keep their babies and some don't?

Mommy: Yuppers. You and Ellie were very special because your Tummy Mommies asked us to take care of you and be your forever Mommy and Daddy.

Gabi: They don't want the babies so they give them away? Cole didn't want me?

Mommy: (Choking) No honey, it's just the opposite. She LOVED you SO much and she knew she couldn't take care of you, so she asked us to love you forever and always. She LOVES you!

Gabi: I think there is a bird on your shoulder. (Apparently, it wasn't as monumental a question for me, as it was for her. lol)

Here are some pics of Gabi and I being silly. She kept coming up with ideas for new pics---clearly she was STALLING before bed! LOL

Talking Politics with a Five Year Old

2008-11-02T10:19:00.003-05:00

Summer 2008:

Gabi: (After seeing a political commercial) Mommy, I want John McCain to be our next President.

Mommy: Why is that?

Gabi: Cause he's prettier.

October 2008:

Mommy: So do you still want John McCain for President?

Gabi: No, I changed up my mind. I want I'Rock Obama.

Mommy: What made you change your mind, did you see something on tv that made you like his views better. Was it during a debate or something? (I enjoy talking to her like she's 40, lol)

Gabi: No, I just like brown people.

Mommy: Well honey, we don't determine our next president based on skin color. etc, etc...

Gabi: No Mommy, I just like brown people best so that's why I want him to win.

Mommy: Honey we need to choose based on what they believe in, not based on what color they are. We must not judge people by the color of their skin.

Gabi: (in her 40 year old voice) Mommy, everybody does it.

-What?? Is this really coming from the mouth of a child that can't tie her own shoes???

November 2008:

Mommy: So, who do you want for President this week?

Gabi: I told you, I want I'Rock Obamba.

Mommy: Well I was wondering if maybe you had changed your mind again.

Gabi: Nope. You know why I want I'Rock Obama?

Mommy: No honey I don't really even have a clue.

Gabi: Cause he Rocks, he's I'Rock Obama and he's a Rock Star!!!

Halloween 2008

2008-11-01T09:48:00.001-05:00

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Ellie's New Trick

2008-10-29T19:35:00.006-05:00

Elliana has surely perfected the art of GROWING TEETH! As you may recall, she sprouted her first two at 4 months. Just recently her "eye" teeth emerged, and now we have the top center two teeth peeking through the surface. She gets a bit gumpy, but otherwise has handled it all very well.

In other news, we have been enjoying the many treats that come with the arrival of fall.

I know I've said it before, but I'll say it again- Life is Good!

Throw Back Pic of the Week......

2008-10-26T20:01:00.004-05:00

Recognize these little sweeties?
Gabi and YaYa (aka Allie) circa 2005 :)

Torture at the Airport

2008-10-26T10:08:00.005-05:00

If you know me, you know of my love for coffee. You know also that it doesn't get any better than Dunkin Donuts coffee in my world. The sad part is that I live about 35 minutes away from any DD (although my wallet appreciates the distance).

Anyway, I digress. Yesterday I saved some of my coveted WW Points for the sheer purpose of picking myself up a DD coffee on the way to the airport to pick up my Mom. I even allotted myself extra travel time for the sole purpose of this beloved cup of java.

Imagine my horror when I approach the drive through only to realize that it's (GASP) closed! I quickly recover by assuring myself that I will be able to grab a cup at the kiosk at our fine local airport.

I nearly RUN up the escalator towards the soft glow of the orange and pink sign, enthralled by the promise of all it has to offer. Enter "brick" wall. Actually, enter cheap ass plexiglass barrier, guarded dearly by a proud employee who in a former lifetime I would have rudely referred to as a "rent-a-cop". (Of course being the mature person I am today, I would never use that dismissing term).

As I make my way towards Barney Fife, I conjure up my best sugary, sweet smile, knowing this is going to be a tough situation to overcome. He DOESN'T even flinch. He tells me that I am not in fact entitled to walk the five feet to the other side of this clear wall and then has the AUDACITY to suggest I go grab myself one of those vending machine cups of coffee! As IF!!!!!

I saunter my way down the hall to the "ENTRY" point of security, (as this is apparently the "Passenger Meeting Point") to find a group of 5 "Security Guards" sitting on their bums eating McDonald's that was without a doubt obtained from the other side of the wall. (You must remember this is SMALL town USA and the airport is about the size of my living room). I attempt to wittingly bribe my way to the other side. Nothing. No movement. I pull a sympathetic looking one to the side (non-chalantly of course) and offer up FIVE bucks for the safe pick-up and delivery of coffee into my hands. He says "I'm sorry Maim, I can't help you." MAIM?! WTF- when did I become a MAIM? I throw a hasty "Yah, I can see how busy you all are" at them and stomp away.

It is at about this point that I realize I am not going to be getting what I want. And I find myself near tears. I HATE being told NO. I HATE not getting my way. I know it's a dumb and stupid reason to pout, but I couldn't help it. Remember the good ole' days when you could walk right down to the gate and meet your loved one as they disembarked? Those days are long gone. It's all just another reminder of how those demonic, selfish, brutal, horrific, disgusting men have changed the way that we all live. I HATE that this is our new reality.

My viewpoint.......if you look closely you can see the seam of the plexi glass wall.

Autumn Days

2008-10-19T20:59:00.002-05:00

Sue and I spent the afternoon shooting photos of the kiddos at a local waterfall. It was a beautiful day, and I'm not sure who had the most fun- the kids, the babies, or the Mommies!

Make a Smilebox photobook

THESE are the Days

2008-10-18T22:14:00.006-05:00

Indeed they are. A few people have been asking about the meaning of my blog name.

This song quite perfectly describes where I "live". I have the family I've always dreamt of, fantastic life-long friends, and a job I love.

In fact, for me THESE are the Days...

Just try to listen to this song without feeling like the sun is shining on your face and that all is right with the world. It's impossible.

These are the Days by 10,000 Maniacs
These are days you'll remember.

Never before and never since, I promise, will the whole world be warm as this.

And as you feel it, you'll know its true that you are blessed and lucky.

Its true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

These are days you'll remember.

When may is rushing over you with desire to be part of the miracles you see in every hour.

You'll know its true that you are blessed and lucky.

Its true that you are touched by something that will grow and bloom in you.

These are days.

These are the days you might fill with laughter until you break.

These days you might feel a shaft of light make its way across your face.

And when you do you'll know how it was meant to be.

See the signs and know their meaning.

Its true, you'll know how it was meant to be.

Hear the signs and know they're speaking to you, to you.

Four Eyes

2008-10-16T18:52:00.002-05:00

Today, I picked up my new glasses. I only need them when I drive so I went with something a little funky knowing I don't need them to match outfits. ;) While we were there Gabi tried on some glasses too. HOLY COW did she look cute! Does anybody remember the time I nearly cried when she passed her eye exam? Darn it. No glasses in her future.

Answers.....

2008-10-15T19:50:00.005-05:00

Finally.

Yesterday, my Mom had her stress test. In her words she "failed miserably." Actually, after speaking with the doctor, I agree. He was amazed that she was functioning normally. Twice while hooked up her heart skipped beats. First, it skipped four beats and then three. He told her if she passed out while that happened the only way to get her out of it would be to shock her. Considering she lives alone, this was unbelievably disturbing news. He scheduled a angiogram/plasty for first thing today.

The angiogram revealed complete blockage in two of her arteries. The LAD and the circumflex. He immediately inserted stents into both sites. Ten hours later- she is feeling very well. Amazing. Hopefully, she will be released tomorrow.

It is SUCH a relief to know what was causing all of her symptoms.

Here is a picture of us from last week when she was in the ER. We were trying to pass the time by being goofy. It's how we roll. ;)

"Hair" We Go Again....

2008-10-13T18:45:00.004-05:00

At the request of a few.... here is a better view of Gabi's new 'do.

We got Gabi's hair cut again today. She didn't think it was SHORT enough!? She requested it to be ABOVE her ears. Lemme think, umm NO!

The woman who cut her hair had the patience of a saint- let me tell you! Gabi was in one of her terrible wiggle-worm-can't-sit-still-for-a-moment-and-I'll-complain-if-you-dare-try-to-make-me moods. Of course it promptly commenced the second she sat down! Ugh.

Anyway- funny conversation:

Hair Stylist: Honey hold still, I don't want to cut you're ear.

Gabi: Well you should have chosen a different job if you didn't want to cut me.

Mom: (shrinks slowly into herself)

Hair Stylist: Really, nobody has ever told me that. What job should I have chosen?

Gabi: Probably McDonalds.

BOOville!

2008-10-12T10:57:00.003-05:00

Arugh

2008-10-11T08:56:00.002-05:00

In a perfect world anyone who has to wait months and years INDEFINITELY without the comfort of a due date, or the certainty that must exist when one feels their child swimming around inside of them would forever be exempt from anymore waiting. I mean shouldn't there be an unwritten rule that says "Oh, you are an adoptive parent, well you've certainly paid your penance for waiting, skip to the front of the line." But alas, this is no perfect world that we live in.

There hasn't been one particular experience that has brought this thought to mind. There have been many. Most certainly, all of them mundane enough that I should shut my mouth and be happy. But, still I find myself perserverating on my distaste for waiting. One would think that after having waited for so long for my children to be placed into my arms that I would be an expert at the art of patience. But I am clearly not.

I have deluded myself into wanting things when I want them. Now. Crazy, I know. For example, I went to three different "walk in" eye Dr's for an exam the other day. None could provide for me at that very moment- but offered appointments within hours. I was annoyed. In trying to call customer service for a product, the automated machine announced that the office was closed until Monday. I was aghast at the thought that someone wasn't perched by the telephone ready to meet my every need.

My Mom ended up back in the ER this week and was subsequently admitted. One who enters the hospital in anticipation of immediate answers will be "sorely" disappointed. (I just came up with that, it should be on a fortune cookie or something, no?). The medical community is clearly facing a huge deficit for Dr's and nursers. A sign of the times. But when it's MY Mom I don't care about that. I want someone to fix her. Now. But, we still have no answers. She has been released, and has a stress test scheduled for Tuesday (something the Dr required her to get "immediately" when she was in the hospital two weeks ago- this was the soonest it could be scheduled). She is feeling better, and so I must focus on that. Not on all of the time that passes between the questions and the answers to them.

BLSM

2008-10-06T17:08:00.002-05:00

Blossom. My baby spelled (or tried to) her FIRST word phonetically today! She came to Howie and I with a beautiful picture of a flower and the word Blsm written by it. She asked "Is this how you spell Blossom?" HOLY COW! A month ago the girl could barely write all of her letters. My heart is swelling with pride!

Flower Girl

2008-10-04T21:22:00.004-05:00

She was AMAZING!! That's right, she walked down the aisle like such a PRINCESS! We are so proud of her. :) What an honor for her to be chosen to serve as flower girl on Carrie's special day. We are so happy to have shared it with her and Don.

"Going to the Chapel...."

2008-10-03T20:37:00.002-05:00

The whirlwind weekend has begun! Gabi is a flower girl in our friends Carrie and Don's wedding tomorrow. She has been counting down the days for a year now!! Tonight was the rehearsal dinner. I was afraid that she wouldn't want to walk down the aisle- which in itself would stink-but my fear was more about the way she would express herself! She tends to be er, LOUD when she is adamant that she DOESN'T want to do something. Thankfully, my sweet little girl did just fine! Her Daddy was at one end of the aisle, Mommy coaxing her from the other. Once she saw me, she nearly ran into my arms, but SHE DID IT! SHE WALKED DOWN THE AISLE ALONE!! OMG!! I'm not going to lie, I handed her a dollar bill when she reached the end. :)

Pray that tomorrow is the same. :)

Here's a sweet picture of her in the car on our way to the dinner.

Da Da dum.....

2008-09-27T20:58:00.002-05:00

Tooth number 3 has officially arrived!! I should have known it was coming- Ellie has had terrible diaper rash this week- a sure sign that Gabi was always teething. It's in such an odd spot, I think- it is on the Upper Left (Lateral Incisor).

She's so sweet!

She also started having two meals a day today! So she is getting one jar of baby food at breakfast, and two jars of baby food for dinner (all stage 2). She also has 6 bottles a day (5-6oz sometimes with cereal). She gets Reglan three times a day and Zantac twice.

The medication seems to be working in terms of the amount of belly aches she gets. She just seems to have less crying spells and is so very often laughing and smiling. She still spits up a ton, particularly after having food. I'll take the spit up over her pain any day!

Albany Farmage of Cology

2008-09-21T21:02:00.003-05:00

Or, as most people know it Albany College of Pharmacy. Gabi has decided that when she gets bigger she is going to attend "Albany Farmage of Cology" just like her big sister. We had such a great visit with Nicki. She is doing GREAT! She gets tired easily, but appears to be quickly on the mend from that nasty bout of Mono.

Rut Row

2008-09-17T20:06:00.008-05:00

Gabi has had a few rough spots adjusting to the many changes in her life. She is reluctant to go to school on several mornings. Of course, in her own Gabi way she is still cracking us up with her 5 year old reasoning.

Gram was driving her to school the other day as Gabi was complaining about having to go. So Gram started to explain to her that some kids couldn't even go to school. That she was very lucky she didn't have to work on her family farm all day. Gabi replied without missing a beat- How about you let me stay home if I pick your tomatoes for you?

Gabi had been riding the bus two days a week from my friend Mary's house. She recently decided that she doesn't want to ride it anymore. Her reason: "because the bus driver has dirty hair". Ugh!

According to her teacher, she does very well in the classroom. Once Gram leaves the tears dry up. She described Gabi as the "social butterfly, flitting happily about all day". She also said that they are working on when it is appropriate to talk. (Aren't we all? Lol- needless to say, this was the MAIN complaint on ALL of my Elementary School report cards)

Like Mother, Like Daughter. :)

Mama Mia!!

2008-09-17T20:06:00.004-05:00

Oy!! If it's not one thing it's your Mother. ;)

My poor Mommy just spent the past 2 days in the hospital. Her blood pressure has skyrocketed for no real apparent reason. She is a typical low-normal, and went as high as 186/110. It seems to be under better control via medication. The Dr. indicated the high blood pressure is likely genetically caused, and that it's quite possibly here to stay. She was released this evening with a litany of tests to undergo in the next week. Please lift her up in prayer. On a positive note, she is going to try and quit smoking after nearly 30 years. Please pray for her strength in this difficult endeavour.

The thought of losing her scares the living daylights out of me. She is my ultimate safe person in life. Of course, I have Howie, and my friends- but nothing compares to being comforted by Mom. I adore her beyond words.

I love you, Mom!!!

Just a Spoonful of......SALSA!?!?

2008-09-13T19:27:00.004-05:00

This one will go down in the record books of Mommy's Giant "Whoopsies".

Tonight, Howie and I were at Chili's with the girls. I was feeding Ellie her bananas (which she just LOVES) and eating my weight watchers allotted portion of chips and salsa when I mistakenly put her baby spoon into the salsa, took a giant scoop, and placed it DIRECTLY into her MOUTH!!! As soon as I realized what I had done I tried to scoop it out of her mouth with the burp cloth. She made the strangest face. Surprisingly, it didn't seem to bother her much at all. Must be that Hispanic heritage in her-- liking that spicy food.

She also has a new habit- that she started at dinner last night. She takes a bite of food, and turns her head to the right, putting her thumb in her mouth. Each bite must be so exhausting that she needs a quick thumb-break to get her back on track. :) She does this meticulously between EACH and EVERY bite.

Oh No!!!

2008-09-08T19:39:00.003-05:00

Poor Nicki! Her first week at college has been terrible. She hasn't felt well since before she left. A blood test she had on Friday came back today- positive for mono. Our poor girl! As if studying pharmacy and being away from home weren't enough to deal with!!

The Sweetest Six Months

2008-09-07T19:56:00.005-05:00

March
April
May
June
July
August

September

Today our dear Elliana is six months old. Can you believe it??? Where, oh where does time go? I can't even remember what life was like before her. All those days, months, years of waiting have melted into the most beautiful little girl. She fits perfectly into our family. Life is good.

My Baby No More....

2008-09-06T20:56:00.003-05:00

Gulp. Sniff, sniff. I think someone has played a very mean joke on me by turning forward the hands of time. How did my baby become a full-fledged KINDERGARTENER?? Our district has a full-day program, so she is in school from about 9:30 to 3:30. MY BABY!!!!

I do have a small confession to make- I followed the bus to school (sobbing all the way). I secretly watched my baby get off the bus with her little friend, and walk hand in hand- pointing in awe at the new sights- into school and out of my reach.

so proud after her day!

"Mommy, I need my crotches"

2008-08-28T19:45:00.002-05:00

Gabi: "Mommy, can you get my crotches for me?"

Mommy: (WHAT? ) Calmly responds "Your what?"

Gabi: "My crotches, I really, really need them."

I must have looked completely stumped because she grabs my hand and says "I'll show you my crotches".

She takes me into the living room and points to these two baton-like sticks. I handed them to her. She tells me her leg is broke. She uses them as her CRUTCHES!!!

Oh dear!

This is a child who has been scotch taping her foot, wearing a pink slipper on only one foot, putting stickers on her foot, and telling random strangers that she needs surgery because she broke her foot-- all summer long!

Everything's Changing

2008-08-25T20:02:00.003-05:00

I can't believe that Nicki is leaving for college in 3 short days. How is this possible?? She was only 5 when Howie and I started dating. Gabi's age. She had just started Kindergarten. Being a step-parent has by far been the most challenging job of my life. However, it's not without it's rewards. Nicki is a beautiful, bright young woman. I am so proud to call myself her stepmom.

Savoring Summer's Final Moments

2008-08-23T21:01:00.004-05:00

We have been blessed with beautiful weather this weekend. Yesterday, we spent the afternoon at Sea Breeze after both girls had Dr's appointments. Ellie had her GI appointment- not much new there- just increased her meds to reflect her growth- she weighed in at 16 pounds 14 ounces and is 26 inches long. Gabi had her 5 year visit where she braved four shots. I was almost crying with her.

Tonight, we had another fire in our backyard fire pit. We also got out a blanket and admired the beauty of a clear summer night. The stars were so visible. Howie, Gabi and I were just laying on our backs looking up. There was something magical about that one simple moment. I love it when we take the time to pay attention to the here and now. Sadly, Ellie was in bed so she missed it.

Happy 5th Birthday to my Big Girl!!!

2008-08-18T22:44:00.010-05:00

Birth

One
Two

Three

Four

Five

Wow, how is it possible that my baby is FIVE? Time sure does FLY when

your babies are growing!! I thought I'd take this time to update some of my new favorite "Gabisms"

A few weeks ago Gabi told Sue "I think I'm having an allergic reaction to your dog". What?? Where did she hear that?!?

My friend Jody and her daughter, Janay were watching the girls last week when Gabi proudly announces "I have two husbands, one to cook and one to clean". Now, I KNOW this is a joke that's out there somewhere, I just CANNOT figure out where she heard it!!

Saturday, after her birthday party she says to me "Mommy, I feel very grown up". When I asked her why she responded matter-of-factly "I am 5 you know". Lol

Yesterday morning, Gabi wanted to open one of her new toys. I was still sleeping. Howie said to her, "Let's wait til Mommy gets up and ask her" to which she replies "Daddy, you are a very smart man, you can decide this".

This morning in the car Gabi says "Mommy, I believe my personality is changing". So I ask her "why"? to which she responds "I don't know, but people won't be liking my new personality".
Later today, again in the car, she says to me "I'm sad, because I want to marry Nicki, but I can't because she's bigger, and she's a girl. Why can't girls marry girls, and boys marry boys?" I try to explain in the simplest of ways about babies and God. I'm not really sure where I went with that answer. I should have just told her "They can".... but no, I just have to stutter and stumble over my words. Yikes.

Words could never do justice the love I have in my heart for my beautiful, witty, charming blond haired, blue eyed beauty. She changed my world. She changed our world. She is a miracle. Today, I send out extra prayers and love to her birthmom, for choosing us to parent this amazing little girl.

Pink Poodle Cake

2008-08-16T07:16:00.003-05:00

It is confirmed. Sue is AMAZING!! Check out this gorgeous cake she made for Gabi's "Pink Poodle in Paris" Party today. It is sooooo PERFECT!!!!!!!

More party pics later.......

Rauur!!! It's a LION!!

2008-08-10T20:54:00.002-05:00

We spent yesterday at the zoo. Despite the fact that we have a membership, we don't visit nearly as often as we should!! It was a great day and we all had a blast.

International Adoption

2008-08-03T20:14:00.003-05:00

Our agency- Adoption STAR, traditionally a domestic adoption agency recently announced several International Adoption Programs. There will be a free informational meeting on International Adoption at the STAR offices (47 Plaza Drive, Williamsville NY) on Thursday August 14 at 6:30pm.

Please Vote!!!

2008-07-29T19:50:00.003-05:00

Please visit Adoptive Families to vote for Ellie and Cullen as the cutest pic!

It is titled "An Adoption Miracle"

Thanks!!! :)

Fun at the Falls

2008-07-27T18:49:00.002-05:00

We spent Friday night and Saturday in Canada at Niagara Falls with the Reardon's. I'm so proud of Howie for his spontaneity in a last minute trip!!!

Summertime Sleepovers

2008-07-24T20:22:00.001-05:00

Alex spent the night last night. I love how excited they get about sleepovers!!! When Sue brought her over, I snapped some shots of Cullen. How gorgeous is he???

"Excuse me please, God"

2008-07-24T20:03:00.002-05:00

Oh my dear Gabi is at it again. This time her Gabism brought me to tears. Tonight, during our prayers, Gabi says "Excuse me please, God, I'm very sorry but I need to cut in here". After she apologizes to me, she says "Dear God, I'm very sorry I cut in, but this is very important, can you please watch over my friend Tyler until he comes home". I just lost it. I didn't even tell her he was back in the hospital, she must have just heard me talking about it.

Also, one other quick thing- tonight after she called me into her room for the 50th time, I told her she was just stalling. She asked what that meant, so I told her it was when she tried to keep me in her room as long as possible. I kissed her and walked out. She must have been processing that, because she yells out to me down the hall; "Yah, well that's just cause I love you"! Little stinker~ how could I argue that? :)

They're Here!

2008-07-24T20:01:00.002-05:00

Thanks to our house dentist, "Dr. Sue" we can now officially declare that Elliana has not one, but TWO teeth!!! :) I wasn't sure if "the tooth" was in yet. Well, apparently not only is it in, but it's neighbor is too! Gooooo Ellie!!!!!

It's NEARLY here!!

2008-07-21T22:01:00.003-05:00

Elliana has the start of her first tooth! You can see and feel the itty bitty tip of it. Not counting it as "in" just yet. But it's DEFINITELY there. Bottom center-left tooth. I can't believe it. She's only 4 months old! My friend Jeana's daughter got her teeth at nearly 5 months, and at 5 years- before even starting Kindergarten- she has lost her first tooth and has another loose! That is crazy! Seems so young to me, but I'm wondering if Miss Ellie will be losing hers early as well??

Reglan: Day One

2008-07-20T19:50:00.002-05:00

So we decided to put Ellie on the Reglan. She had her first dosage tonight. So far, so good. The only noticeable sign was lethargy. And it's tough to say if that's from not having a proper nap all day, or the meds.

The Results are in....

2008-07-18T21:27:00.003-05:00

The Dr.s office phoned this evening. I was quite certain that we were going to be told that the test showed that everything was normal. I was wrong. The Gastric Emptying Test determined that Elliana's stomach is"markedly delayed" (ie DGE) in emptying into the small intestine. At the conclusion of the exam, she had over 90% of the formula still in her stomach. They want to put her on Reglan. Unfortunately, my web search has yielded some results that are making me nervous. If you have personal experience with this drug, please let me know your thoughts. I'm just not sure what to do. Do I put her on the meds, trusting that this Dr. (who is amazing and has tons of peds experience- did I mention he is a Pediatric Gastrointernoligist?) knows what is best for her? Do we decline the medication? Do we ask for a different med? I'm not sure of much right now. I have so many questions. It seems like this is a problem that might go away? I wish the Dr. had called rather than the nurse. I'm hoping that this is something she outgrows quickly. Ahhhh my thoughts are racing!!!!

Ellie's Busy Day

2008-07-16T20:12:00.003-05:00

Phew! Poor Elle. Today she finally had her Gastric Emptying Test. She really did great, in fact as you can see in the picture, she fell asleep for most of it. The only time she screamed was when she was waiting for her bottle! They had to put radioactive dye tracer in it. She had to fast since last night and it was 9am before she was eating!! Once she laid onto the xray machine she looked at the stickers above her head, smiled at me a few times, popped her thumb in her mouth and drifted off to sleep. :)

Tonight, she had her 4 month Well Child Check at the Dr. She weighs in at 15.4 and is 24 inches long. She is over the percentile for weight, and under for height. That's my girl! LOL She had to get 4 shots and an oral vaccine. She didn't cry until the third shot. Poor honey.

I'll keep you posted when I get the results from the test today.

Happy Birthday, Sue!!!!

2008-07-15T20:55:00.003-05:00

Love You!! Here's to many, many more!!!

Blessed Beyond Words

2008-07-13T19:57:00.007-05:00

With Brother-Tyler

The Gang

With Sisters- Erica and Ashley

Telling her Grandma "Don't even think about stealing my baby!"

With Cousins Alyssa and Caitlyn

Aunt Michelle and Ellie

Today I am feeling so grateful. Once again, we had an amazing visit with Gabi's birth family. I am in awe of them. They are so kind and treat both of my girls (and Howie and I) as a part of their family. The children are so beautiful! Oh how I love to watch Gabi playing with her siblings and cousins. Anyone who questions open adoption should spend a day with our families. Or, should I say family. Because that's what we are, we are one giant family joined together by one of the most amazing little girls to ever grace the planet. I sent Sue a picture from my phone of all the kids sitting together being goofy- and she responded with one word: Heavenly. I couldn't have said it better myself.

At today's visit were:

Grandma Kathy
Aunt Michelle
Sisters- Ashley and Erica (missing- Emily)
Brother- Tyler (missing- David and Doug)
Cousins- Andrew, Alyssa, and Caitlyn

When we got home tonight, Gabi was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle when she says to no one in particular- "I don't want to talk because I'm sad". So I ask her what she is feeling sad about. She looks up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes full of tears and says "I miss my brother and sisters and cousins." So we talked for awhile about those feelings. At one point she even said that she would like to live with them so that she could always see them. Both Howie and I listened (to the little girl who didn't want to talk) as she worked her way through her own thoughts. Finally, she said "I feel better because I did this puzzle". So the three of us sat down and did it again, this time together.