Beyond myself....

Today I have been feeling down. I called the other agency we were talking to, and learned that the potential birth mom has chosen to parent. I wasn't surprised, just disappointed. I find myself yearning for this baby to arrive. To be able to spend the rest of my life nurturing and growing this amazing being. To be there for all the "firsts", and seconds, and thirds..... So as I was feeling down and allowing myself to indulge in a little self pity it occurred to me; she won't get to see these things. As I am suspended in this "waiting" phase, so is she. She only gets to spend nine months nurturing and growing this amazing being. I imagine what she must be feeling. Whether she is in her 4th week or her 40th, she is also waiting. Her wait must be infinitely harder than mine. I need to look beyond myself. Beyond my yearnings and imagine hers. So wherever you may be, I admire you, I believe in you, and I ache for you.