Gabism Question of the Day

Gabi: Mommy would you rather be with someone who is mean to you, or someone who picks his nose?

Mommy: Well, I'd say somebody who picks his nose because nobody deserves to be treated poorly.

Gabi: Yah, but he picks it all night long.

LOL! Where in the world??? Idk. She is a hoot.

My Growing Girls

Wow. Time flies. It truly does. Here are some recent pics of the girls- Gabi is 6 years and Ellie is 18 mos. So hard for me to believe.

First Day First Grade

18 Months Ago Today and First Grade Tomorrow

18 months ago today was March 7, 2008. Our precious Elliana was entered the world and captured our hearts. How is it possible that she is already 1.5 years old? Sigh. She continues to be SUPER SUPER busy and um, curious. She is into EVERYTHING, particularly that which she KNOWS she shouldn't be. Which is all the more reason to LOVE her.

Yesterday, we were at Brown's for ice cream, etc. and I leaned on my Mom as I was holding Ellie and said "My Mommy". Ellie, literally took both her hands and used them to pull my head off my Mom's shoulder. She kept patting my chest saying "My Mom, My Mom, My Mom". It was soooo cute!

Words she can say:

Mommy/Mama/Mom/My Mom
Daddy
Gah-Gah (aka Gabi)
Daisy
Good
Uh-huh (aka Why, YES I agree completely with that lovely idea)
Ease (aka Please)
Atch (aka Watch- pointing to the DVD player in van)
Ellie
Jes (aka Yes)
Side (aka outside)
Hot
Dis (aka this)
Das (aka that)
Eat
Baby Signs "more"

She knows what she wants, and how she wants it. She communicates clearly by shaking her head "no" when she doesn't want something, and pointing and saying "dis" when she does.

In other news, Gabi starts FIRST grade tomorrow!! I can't believe it! Again, another example of how quickly time flies. Sigh. She is more than ready, and I'm thrilled for her. It's just hard to let her go.

Hablas Espanol and so much more.....

I've been so negligent in blogging this summer! It only stands to reason that the "Gabisms" are piling up! Here's a few of the "good" ones. LOL

All in a days shopping:

Gabi and I spent Tuesday at the Niagara Falls Outlet Mall school clothes shopping. There were a large number of LOTE (Language Other Than English) speaking individuals there. Gabi, not missing a beat, picked up on this. Here's our lunch conversation:

Gabi: From now on we are only going to speak to each other in Spanish. (of which she knows none)

Mommy: Spanish, really?

Gabi: (Starts pointing to objects and talking in broken, unrecognizable words.)

Mommy: Muy Bien tu hablas Espanol

Gabi: Ok, how about you speak English and I speak Spanish?

LOL! She kept up her version of Spanish for hours.

While at the mall she conned me into buying her yet another stuffed animal, a dog. She made me cut ALL the tags off of it so that people would "know it's a real dog". She proceeded to carry it around with her and randomly bark at people. When they would look at her, she would grin and pet her dog proudly.

The product of educators, indeed:

Last week, as I was getting ready for the day Gabi RUSHES into the bathroom and the following conversation ensues.

Gabi: (Frantically waving her arms and speaking in a desperate tone of voice) I NEED FOUR SUBSTITUTE TEACHERS AND I NEED THEM NOW! All my teachers are out, who is going to teach these kids? What will we do?

Mommy: (stifling laughter) Well, you are the Principal it's your job to take care of it.

Gabi: (without even a moment's hesitation) Actually, since YOU are the Vice Principal it's YOUR job to take care of it. It's MY job to MAKE SURE you do it!

(Did I mention Howie is a Principal and I'm a High School Counselor, lol!)

It's hard to believe that she will be turning SIX on Wednesday. My baby! Sigh.

Shared photo book from Teri

Click here to view this photo book larger

Tennessee Trip 2009

Click here to view these pictures larger

We just returned from an amazing vacation! It was awesome. We travelled with the Reardon family, and spent time with the Waits family as well. We were lucky to be able to bring two of Gabi's bio sisters with us for the first few days of the trip. We met up with the amazing Grandma Kathy there and she was able to spend time with all of us before taking the sisters back to her house for a visit.

I had sooo many pics, I narrowed it down to these "few". Jen, if you are reading this, I'll send you another link of all your Hannah and Emma sweet pics!!! xoxooxo

SUPERNANNY SIGHTING!

Well, I think I've admitted this before, but I'll say it again. I'm starstruck. It doesn't matter who the star is. I'm a loser drawn to the drama of it all. (Anyone recall my blessed encounter with Capt. Merril Stubing?) LOL!

Soooooo, right around the corner from my house there is currently an episode of the Supernanny in production! The girls and I ventured down there after soccer. It was so worth it!

Eye, Eye Capt'n

The verdict is in. Gabi has Amblyopia aka "Lazy Eye". The treatment: Six weeks of daily eye patching. Four hours per day. Rotating the eye to be patched daily.

So far so good. One would think that a child with sensory issues so extreme she can "feel" the flowers on her socks, would have an adversity to a band-aid being stuck to, and ripped off of her face daily. Nope. Not Gabi. She thinks it's cool.

She was disappointed that she didn't need glasses. In fact, so disappointed she has been wearing a pink pair of sunglasses (aka her "blind glasses") everywhere and telling people they are her real glasses, and not to listen to whatever I try to tell them about them. Even watching a DVD inside of the van. Glasses on. Sort of reminds me of the time she wrapped a Kleenex around her foot and declared it broken and in need of surgery- assuring everyone to not believe Mommy.

So anyway, we picked up a pack of patches (say that 10 times fast) and spent yesterday afternoon decorating them. She even labeled each day so that she would know which one to wear when looking for one.

Gabisms of the Day

Holy cow I love looking at life through Gabi's eyes.

Speaking of eyes- she has had a weird thing happening with her right eye- it's been randomly moving outward and is freaking me out. So I made her an appt with the eye doctor. Gabi needs to be prepared for ANY possibility in life (lest she freak out) so I was explaining to her that sometimes when people have this problem it's called "lazy eye" and they have to wear a patch to help strengthen it.

Mommy: So there is a possibility that you will have to wear a patch over one eye, sort of like a pirate.

Gabi: (in an "aha" state) Ooooh, so pirates have lazy eyes.




We had a campfire the other night. It was my turn to tell a "ghost" story.

Mommy: So, there was this little girl sitting near a campfire....

Gabi: (Interrupts with a scream from out of the blue) DAMN, I know it's me!!!




Here's a little how tonight's random conversation went:

Gabi- Mommy we have a new rule in Kindergarten. You aren't allowed to touch your "pen-ex" anymore.

Mommy- What??

Gabi- You know, your pen-ex (while grabbing her crotch) you can only scratch it really quick, but you can't touch it.

Mommy- Wow (while mentally appreciating the job her teacher daily encounters and wondering if this was something college prepared her to handle) so, was this happening a lot that a rule needed to be made?

Gabi- Yup. Some kids were grabbing their pen-ex's all the time even (as she visually demonstrates) putting their hands in their pants. Not me though. Nope, I don't ever grab my pen-ex. I just scratch a little above it.

Such a Slacker! (Sorry, Sarah!)

Wow! Ellie is a much busier child than I can ever remember Gabi being. We never needed cabinet door locks with Gabi. For Ellie, we could use a lock on EVERY move able surface area and still not feel its "child proofed" enough! SHE IS INTO EVERYTHING!

She is so darling though. She says "Hi" all the time. It comes out more like "Hiiiii' (sounding as if she's saying "Hiiiii, how have you been, haven't seen you for awhile") lol.

Gabi continues to keep us laughing. She has so many one-liners, and a sarcasm about her that has no business in the mind of a 5 year old.

Tonight, we were having a campfire and telling ghost stories. I started the story by talking about "a little girl at a campfire". Out of the clear blue Gabi yells "DAMN, I know that's about me". So hard for me not to laugh!!!

Today, I took Gabi to get her haircut. When we were leaving she said "I wish she could be my Mommy also" about the hairdresser. Then she proceeds to say "Actually, you could be the Grandma and she can be my Mommy". ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! THEN she says, "Well how about you be my tummy Mommy just like Cole, and then she can adopt me..

BRCA 1 & BRCA 2, NOT ME, PHEW!!!!

On Friday, I learned that I do NOT carry either the BRCA 1 or the BRCA 2 gene mutations, which indicate a higher risk for Ovarian and Breast cancers. This news is PHENOMENAL!!

My sister is doing well. She has her final chemo on May 20 (my 34th bday). We will celebrate indeed! She will hopefully have the 3 rounds of radiation after that. Her CA 125 counts have been incredibly low, so that's amazing news as well. I can't wait until this is all behind us. I'm starting to believe that it really is going to be okay.

So long, Reglan

Today marks the official first day that Ellie is no longer on Reglan! I am soooo excited! We have been weaning her off of it for the past three weeks. She is also fully on milk. Yup, no more Nutramigin! She even eats yogurt and had her first ice cream last night. It's so fabulous! Woo Hoo!

She is still on Zantac twice daily. We go back to gastro Dr. next month.

Of Gabisms, Genetics, and Goodness!

Gabisms:

Some of the latest:

Yesterday, I had the girls in the tub. Just as Howie (who happens to be THE MOST NEUROTIC father) walks by Ellie does some "Superfly" wrestling move where she stands up and throws herself down. Yes, all this in the tub. So, eagle eyes walks by and YELLS "OOOHH, IS SHE OKAY!?!?!" as he prepares himself for CPR, AED, or other lifesaving gestures. Meanwhile, Gab and I have barely moved. We're calm. We see these miniature Hulk Hogan moves all the time. So Gabi looks at Howie then looks at me, and says "Why is he so draaamatic?"

Gram was telling me about a conversation she had with Gabi:
Gram: (looking at a pink VS bag)- "Victoria's Secret... why does that sound so familiar?"
Gabi: "Perhaps you buy your underwear there like my Mommy does?"


Onto Genetics:

Went to Strong Genetics a few weeks back. My sister was feeling too ill from the chemo she had just had a few days earlier to attend. So, I went by myself. It was scary but highly informative. The genetic counselor spent a ton of time with me educating and answering questions. At the end of the appointment I was given a little kit to take upstairs to the blood draw lab. My blood was drawn without much incident (other than me falling, but that's a whole other story lol). I have an appointment on May 8 for the results. I am so nervous and pretty consumed with "what if's". I keep reminding myself to SHUT UP and just wait. Either way, I can do nothing about it until then. It's in God's hands.

and Finally, Goodness:

Life is GOOD! Elliana is walking!!! She took her first steps at the annual Adoptive Families Easter Egg Hunt and really took off on Monday, April 13. There has been nothing stopping her since then! She is on a MISSION! Her mission you ask? To get into ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that she shouldn't be into!

Gabi is doing great as well. Enjoying her spring break and continually maturing as the 40-year-old-in-a-five-year-old body that she is!

Nicki is finishing up her first year at ACP. She is doing well and although I CAN'T wait to have her home, I am so happy for her. I know she is enjoying life.

We have a major wedding coming up in May. Our niece Michele, (Howie's sister's daughter) is getting married at the Hotel Pierre (formerly the Four Seasons) in Manhattan. It's so exciting and should be an amazing time. Lots of pressure though!!! Ahhhh!

Happy Easter 2009

"I don't believe it! An awe-toe-mah-tick baby rocker!" ~Uncle Roy

Last week my perfectly healthy Uncle (Uncle Roy) was suddenly in severe stomach pain. They rushed him to the hospital to find out hours later that he had developed a blood clot that had killed off much of his large intestine. A week and five surgeries later, with all of his large intestine removed and 75% of his small intestine, he has just been taken off of life support. The hardest part is that my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin live in Australia. How in the world do you appropriately mourn for and grieve the life of someone who lives so far away that you can't even hop on an airplane to get there?

As you may recall, they were just here in April/May when my Gram was sick. He was the first person to make Ellie laugh. And boy did she LAUGH at him! When he first saw Ellie's plush papasan swing he was startled! He gasped (in his British sounding Aussie accent) "Why I don't believe it! An automatic (awe-toe-mah-tick) baby rocker!" And at 2 months old, she thought that was the funniest thing in the world .

Update: Uncle Roy passed away today, April 11, 2009. So long sweet Uncle, so long.

Tomorrow's the Day

Surgery is tomorrow morning. We need to be there at 7am. I'm soooo nervous about the anesthesia. I know it will be okay, but I can't help but worry. I'll post an update tomorrow.

"Eye" Just Don't Know!

Took Ellie to the eye Dr. today. Her left tear duct is still clogged which means that she is going to need surgery. It's a minor procedure, but she will need to have general anesthesia. Ugh!!!!!

Spring has SPRUNG! (for today, anyways)

Oh how I LOVE THE SPRING!!!!! Spring is blissful anticipation. The kind where you awake each day, knowing that the earth is awakening with you. Spring is full of renewal; it's like that old friend, who no matter how much time passes between visits, you can pick up right where you left off without missing a beat. I love that after Spring comes SUMMER. The knowledge that for the next 6 months or so, warm weather and sunshine are sure to follow. The dread of winter is not upon us. It's nearly a memory, despite what our calendars say. So, I for one say WELCOME BACK, SPRING. Welcome back!

Uncontrollable- Waiting for an Adoption

--I found this on my computer today- I wrote it on April 30, 2007 almost a year before Ellie was born. Thought it might help my waiting friends.

Uncontrollable

One word to describe my life: uncontrollable. The problem with that is that I have spent years of my life tricking myself into thinking that I had total control over things. It was essential. I needed that feeling of control for my "safety". What now? Now that I face yet another month, another week, another day, another hour, another minute, another second, waiting. My heart aches. It's the unknown that gets me. If I just had something to grasp, to keep me a float while I await this due date that never comes. A due date. Life is measured in time. With a due date you know if you're early, or late, or perfectly on time. Without one there is no measure of your progress. No measure of how far you've come, and how much further you've to go.

I feel like have this secret life, my own personal hell.... this is where I live:

I NEVER let more than 10 minutes pass without looking at my phone to make sure that I didn't miss a 716 call.

I JUMP with hopeless expectation EVERY time my phone rings. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.

I can't walk through my own house without feeling like an inmate at San Quentin. The baby gear that sits unused glaring at me, taunting me reminds me that I am trapped, with my release in the hands of others.

I feel guilty many days because I should be happy with what God has given me. With that little angelic presence who said to me today, quite randomly: "If you weren't my Mommy, I would be so sad I wouldn't ever come out of my room."

I refuse to get our family pictures done because they will feel too empty.

I feel guilty because some days I think I spend more time thinking about the child that is to come, than the ones that are already here.

I find myself yearning for this baby to arrive; to be able to spend the rest of my life nurturing and growing this amazing being. To be there for all the "firsts", and seconds, and thirds. Then it occurs to me; she won't get to see these things. As I am suspended in this "waiting" phase, so is she. She only gets to spend nine months nurturing and growing this amazing being. I imagine what she must be feeling. Whether she is in her 4th week or her 40th, she is also waiting. Her wait must be infinitely harder than mine.

I need to look beyond myself. Beyond my yearnings and imagine hers.

So wherever you may be, I admire you, I believe in you and I ache for you.

Happy First Birthday, Cullen!!!

Happy Birthday to our Little Man! We love you, Cullen!!

Happy First Birthday, Elliana!!!

I am definitely the luckiest woman alive. Happy Happy Birthday to Elliana! This little girl has completed our family in so many ways.

z

The Week of Reflections Has Begun

It happens with Gabi, so why am I surprised that it is happening with Ellie? Today, I am carrying a bittersweet cloud. I am in awe that Ellie is already going to be one in just 7 days. I am overcome with love for her. And I am sad that this all comes at the expense of another woman's loss. Yearly, I have shed tears on Gabi's birthday for Nicole. Not because I think she is longing for her or regretting her decision. It is for what I see everyday. What I know she has lost. For what she will never know in this little girl that she created. At first, it was a cognizant thought. I remembered to remember her. On her third birthday, in a gift shop on Martha's Vineyard, with no warning a sob caught in my throat and brought me to my knees. I mourn for what neither of my daughters birth mothers will ever know. I mourn for them, the absence of these amazing children in their lives.

Every waiting adoptive parent should buy an adoption "waiting" journal. For Gabi, I had "Til There Was You: An Adoption Expectancy Journal" and for Ellie I used "Waiting for You: An Heirloom Adoption Journal for My Future Child".

I was recently reflecting on some of my entries in the Ellie book.


I found the following excerpt both inspiring and blissful:


February 25, 2008 (month 19 of being "homestudy ready")


"My dearest Elliana~ I can finally sit down and write directly to YOU! Oh Ellie, in just 11 days you will enter this world and become a permanent member of our family. How I am longing to meet you! Your birthmother, Angela is such a kind person. She wants the best in life for you and I promise to always remember that!"


Nearly one year later, I still remember the love that Angela feels for her. Daily, I thank God for allowing us the joy of raising this perfect little being we call "Ellie".

Quick Update

I have been so negligent on my blog these days. Not much has been happening. Just enjoying every second of life with our girls. Today, we are home because Gabi woke in the night with a terrible case of that nasty stomach flu. :-(

We spent the weekend at a waterpark in Niagara Falls. It was such a blast. We traveled with the Reardon's and it's so fun seeing the kids together. Cullen and Ellie definitely recognize each other. They greet with a hug and both of them saying "aaahhhhh". It's so adorable!!

My Beautiful Uterus

That's right, I said it. My uterus is beautiful. Oh, and my ovaries are perfect. This is all according to the results of the not-so-pleasant-catheter-in-the-va-jay-jay-sonar-histogram I had this afternoon. Yayyyy! More good results. They did send out a sample of the uterine lining for a biopsy, but Dr. expects it to be just fine. One more sigh of relief. If only we had known to do these tests for my sister. :(

Some new Gabisms for ya:

Gabi: My allergies are really acting up today.

Mom: Oh yah, what allergies?

Gabi: Well you know I'm allergic to stop lights, cd players, and driver side door handles.

Here's another.......

Gabi was in her bedroom "teaching her kids" (which consists of about 25 stuffed animals). Howie and I opened her door to talk to her about dinner or something.

Gabi: "Oh my gosh my class is right here, this is SO EMBARRASSING."

Packing list for an out of state adoption

Can you BELIEVE it??????? Our baby is 11 months old today?!?!? I know I can't! This time last year we were anxiously counting down the days until March.

One month to the day before our departure for Indiana I started packing Ellie's suitcase. I scoured the Internet for "lists" of what I "should" be packing. I didn't find much. I came across my list recently and decided to post it here. Hopefully, it will be helpful (especially to Mark and Janet :) xoxo).

Ellie's Packing List

Blankets: 1 regular cotton, 3 receiving, 2 swaddle, 1 small quilt to use in hotel room as a changing pad base

Winter Coat & Hat

Newborn hats: 5

Mitts: 1 pair (ended up going to BRU while there to buy more)

Onesies: 10 white and 1 "I <3 Daddy"

Gowns: 7

Sleepsacks: 2

Socks: 8 pairs plus one pair of booties

PJ's: One pair

Burp cloths: 7

Outfits: 8

Microwave Bottle Sterilizer: Never Used

Bouncy Seat: Assembled there. Used often in hotel- especially for her to sleep in.

Infant Car Seat with JJ Cole Cover

Diapers & Wipes

Disposable infant washcloths

We ended up using most of what we packed except the outfits. I mostly just kept her in gowns because they were so practical.

When you are traveling out-of-state for an adoption it is impossible to know how long you will be there. We were there for 7 nights. If you can, DEFINITELY stay close to the hospital in a SUITE (with a separate bedroom and a kitchen). Call the concierge at the hotel and tell them why you are coming. They have amazing connections.

We went shopping at a Super Target the night we arrived and bought food. We were also traveling with our 4 year old, so snacks and breakfast food were uber important.

I also packed little "surprises" for our 4 year old to open along the way, including a special one for the hospital. (A doll and car seat like Mommy's).

Go to the Chamber of Commerce website for the city you will be staying in. They have some great recommendations. Also, if you won't be traveling with a GPS (which I highly recommend) print out directions to and from hospital, hotel, and restaurants in advance.

What we didn't bring:

Formula- didn't know what kind she would be on. Hospital provided more than enough to get us through the week and then some.

Pack and Play- it was too cumbersome. We just used her car seat and the bouncy chair.

Infant Stain Removing Product and detergent- Had to go buy that while we were there, too. Bring some!!!

Yayyyyyyyy!!!!!

Normal CA-125 levels are 35 and under. Mine is 4.2. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Takin' Care of Business

Apparently, when your sister gets cancer of the uterus and ovaries it means many things for many people. Obviously, the worst is that she is sick. That she has to go through seemingly endless injections of poison in order to make her feel better. And it's terrible to watch her go through this. It's debilitating to watch your Mom as she struggles in comprehending the magnitude of the fact that her eldest daughter is very, very sick.

There are also the silent, selfish thoughts that plague one who's family seems prone to hereditary cancers. The biggest question of all of course being, "Will this happen to me?" It is compounded by the fact that every medical professional encourages one's siblings to be diligent in cancer awareness and screenings.

So, being the psycho-somatic freak that I am, I have decided to heed these words of wisdom.

Here is where I am at in the process:

Yesterday, had the CA-125 blood test. Results expected by Thursday.

Next Thursday (2/13/09)- Sonar Histogram

Next Month- First genetic testing appointment at Strong for my sister and I.

In the extremely rare event that anything comes back even slightly abnormal I will have a laproscopic procedure to explore inside the uterus.

Make & Take and a Sledding Date!

This morning, Lisa, Sue and I made our way to Make & Take where we prepared 6+ meals for later consumption. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it!! I felt like Rachel Ray!! :)

Afterwards, Howie and I took the girls sledding and for some outside play in the yard. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! :)