Tennessee Trip 2009

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We just returned from an amazing vacation! It was awesome. We travelled with the Reardon family, and spent time with the Waits family as well. We were lucky to be able to bring two of Gabi's bio sisters with us for the first few days of the trip. We met up with the amazing Grandma Kathy there and she was able to spend time with all of us before taking the sisters back to her house for a visit.

I had sooo many pics, I narrowed it down to these "few". Jen, if you are reading this, I'll send you another link of all your Hannah and Emma sweet pics!!! xoxooxo

The Week of Reflections Has Begun

It happens with Gabi, so why am I surprised that it is happening with Ellie? Today, I am carrying a bittersweet cloud. I am in awe that Ellie is already going to be one in just 7 days. I am overcome with love for her. And I am sad that this all comes at the expense of another woman's loss. Yearly, I have shed tears on Gabi's birthday for Nicole. Not because I think she is longing for her or regretting her decision. It is for what I see everyday. What I know she has lost. For what she will never know in this little girl that she created. At first, it was a cognizant thought. I remembered to remember her. On her third birthday, in a gift shop on Martha's Vineyard, with no warning a sob caught in my throat and brought me to my knees. I mourn for what neither of my daughters birth mothers will ever know. I mourn for them, the absence of these amazing children in their lives.

Every waiting adoptive parent should buy an adoption "waiting" journal. For Gabi, I had "Til There Was You: An Adoption Expectancy Journal" and for Ellie I used "Waiting for You: An Heirloom Adoption Journal for My Future Child".

I was recently reflecting on some of my entries in the Ellie book.


I found the following excerpt both inspiring and blissful:


February 25, 2008 (month 19 of being "homestudy ready")


"My dearest Elliana~ I can finally sit down and write directly to YOU! Oh Ellie, in just 11 days you will enter this world and become a permanent member of our family. How I am longing to meet you! Your birthmother, Angela is such a kind person. She wants the best in life for you and I promise to always remember that!"


Nearly one year later, I still remember the love that Angela feels for her. Daily, I thank God for allowing us the joy of raising this perfect little being we call "Ellie".

Packing list for an out of state adoption

Can you BELIEVE it??????? Our baby is 11 months old today?!?!? I know I can't! This time last year we were anxiously counting down the days until March.

One month to the day before our departure for Indiana I started packing Ellie's suitcase. I scoured the Internet for "lists" of what I "should" be packing. I didn't find much. I came across my list recently and decided to post it here. Hopefully, it will be helpful (especially to Mark and Janet :) xoxo).

Ellie's Packing List

Blankets: 1 regular cotton, 3 receiving, 2 swaddle, 1 small quilt to use in hotel room as a changing pad base

Winter Coat & Hat

Newborn hats: 5

Mitts: 1 pair (ended up going to BRU while there to buy more)

Onesies: 10 white and 1 "I <3 Daddy"

Gowns: 7

Sleepsacks: 2

Socks: 8 pairs plus one pair of booties

PJ's: One pair

Burp cloths: 7

Outfits: 8

Microwave Bottle Sterilizer: Never Used

Bouncy Seat: Assembled there. Used often in hotel- especially for her to sleep in.

Infant Car Seat with JJ Cole Cover

Diapers & Wipes

Disposable infant washcloths

We ended up using most of what we packed except the outfits. I mostly just kept her in gowns because they were so practical.

When you are traveling out-of-state for an adoption it is impossible to know how long you will be there. We were there for 7 nights. If you can, DEFINITELY stay close to the hospital in a SUITE (with a separate bedroom and a kitchen). Call the concierge at the hotel and tell them why you are coming. They have amazing connections.

We went shopping at a Super Target the night we arrived and bought food. We were also traveling with our 4 year old, so snacks and breakfast food were uber important.

I also packed little "surprises" for our 4 year old to open along the way, including a special one for the hospital. (A doll and car seat like Mommy's).

Go to the Chamber of Commerce website for the city you will be staying in. They have some great recommendations. Also, if you won't be traveling with a GPS (which I highly recommend) print out directions to and from hospital, hotel, and restaurants in advance.

What we didn't bring:

Formula- didn't know what kind she would be on. Hospital provided more than enough to get us through the week and then some.

Pack and Play- it was too cumbersome. We just used her car seat and the bouncy chair.

Infant Stain Removing Product and detergent- Had to go buy that while we were there, too. Bring some!!!

Visiting With Gabi's Birthfamily

Gabi and her bio-brother Tyler (Is that the same face or what??)


Ellie and Cole (Gabi's Tummy Mommy)


Uncle Andrew, Aunt Michelle and Gabi's Cousins and Sisters

Yesterday, we traveled to Buffalo for a visit with Gabi's birthfamily. First, we visited with her birthmom Nicole (or "Cole" as Gabi calls her), and Gabi's brother Tyler. Afterwards, we went to Aunt Michelle and Uncle Andrew's house where cousins Andrew, Caitlyn, and Alyssa were. Along with her sisters Ashley and Erica. It was an awesome day!

What a difference a YEAR makes......

One year ago today "A" called our 800 number for the very first time!!

I'll never forget it. It was a Thursday. I had called STAR earlier that morning and talked to our social worker about the sadness that engulfed me. We had just been told that we hadn't been selected for a case.

I was sitting in my office talking to the Athletic Director. My cell phone rang. I didn't recognize the number so I took a deep breath and answered, as one must always be alert when monitoring an 800 adoption line. It was "A". She said that she had seen our ad and wasn't even sure why she called it. I remember saying "So you are currently pregnant?" At this point, Keith, the AD excused himself from my office.

"A" explained to me that she really thought that she was going to work with an agency (to ensure that we weren't "crazies") but felt compelled to call when she read our ad. I explained that we actually were working in conjunction with an agency and that if she was interested, she could call them to learn more about us.



We spoke for a few more minutes. It felt SO natural talking with her. I was instantly at ease. She laughed a lot and talked really fast, likely due to her nerves. When we hung up she said that she would call STAR. I encouraged her to call me at anytime.

As soon as we hung up I dialed STAR. (Well, after doing the happy dance all around my office). Amanda answered the phone, and "A" had already called!! She was already on the other line with another STAR worker! My heart SOARED at the possibility that THIS-JUST-MIGHT-BE-IT!!!!


Fast forward to the next morning- Friday December 7, 2007- 11:30am. I was driving in my car down Main St. (not sure why I wasn't at work...some things never change, wink wink). My phone rang. I instantly recognized the number with anticipation. A number that only 24 hours before had meant nothing to me.


It was "A". She indicated that she had talked to the people at our agency, viewed our profile online and said "I'm gonna choose you guys, I want you to adopt my baby". I started SCREAMING and CRYING at the same time. She seemed almost surprised at how much this meant to me. She kept saying "Aw, now your gonna make me cry".


Exactly 3 months to the day later, on March 7, 2008 our beautiful Elliana was born.


I still look at her with awe. Heck, five years later, I still look at Gabi the same way. It's amazing. Someone entrusted us to raise their baby girl. To be her everything. To love and cherish and adore her for always. Twice. We are humbled and honored to be called Mommy and Daddy by these amazing little girls. Thank you "N". Thank you "A". Thank you.


Our first look at our baby girl.....




What a difference a YEAR makes.....

.

She asked THE Question

THE question that I had been dreading..... while we were driving......



Gabi: Mommy, is Vicky getting a baby?



Mommy: She is having a baby, not getting one. Most tummy Mommy's raise the babies that they deliver.



Gabi: So some tummy Mommies keep their babies and some don't?



Mommy: Yuppers. You and Ellie were very special because your Tummy Mommies asked us to take care of you and be your forever Mommy and Daddy.



Gabi: They don't want the babies so they give them away? Cole didn't want me?

Mommy: (Choking) No honey, it's just the opposite. She LOVED you SO much and she knew she couldn't take care of you, so she asked us to love you forever and always. She LOVES you!

Gabi: I think there is a bird on your shoulder. (Apparently, it wasn't as monumental a question for me, as it was for her. lol)

Here are some pics of Gabi and I being silly. She kept coming up with ideas for new pics---clearly she was STALLING before bed! LOL

International Adoption

Our agency- Adoption STAR, traditionally a domestic adoption agency recently announced several International Adoption Programs. There will be a free informational meeting on International Adoption at the STAR offices (47 Plaza Drive, Williamsville NY) on Thursday August 14 at 6:30pm.

Blessed Beyond Words

With Brother-Tyler

The Gang

With Sisters- Erica and Ashley


Telling her Grandma "Don't even think about stealing my baby!"

With Cousins Alyssa and Caitlyn

Aunt Michelle and Ellie

Today I am feeling so grateful. Once again, we had an amazing visit with Gabi's birth family. I am in awe of them. They are so kind and treat both of my girls (and Howie and I) as a part of their family. The children are so beautiful! Oh how I love to watch Gabi playing with her siblings and cousins. Anyone who questions open adoption should spend a day with our families. Or, should I say family. Because that's what we are, we are one giant family joined together by one of the most amazing little girls to ever grace the planet. I sent Sue a picture from my phone of all the kids sitting together being goofy- and she responded with one word: Heavenly. I couldn't have said it better myself.

At today's visit were:

• Grandma Kathy
• Aunt Michelle
• Sisters- Ashley and Erica (missing- Emily)
• Brother- Tyler (missing- David and Doug)
• Cousins- Andrew, Alyssa, and Caitlyn

When we got home tonight, Gabi was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle when she says to no one in particular- "I don't want to talk because I'm sad". So I ask her what she is feeling sad about. She looks up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes full of tears and says "I miss my brother and sisters and cousins." So we talked for awhile about those feelings. At one point she even said that she would like to live with them so that she could always see them. Both Howie and I listened (to the little girl who didn't want to talk) as she worked her way through her own thoughts. Finally, she said "I feel better because I did this puzzle". So the three of us sat down and did it again, this time together.

Elliana's Song

I was surfing the net the other day when I randomly googled "Elliana" to see what would show up. Imagine my surprise when I saw that there was a song entitled "Elliana's Song". I was even more shocked when I read the lyrics. "Elliana, God has answered our prayers"..... it's just beautiful. I had to put it to a picture montage! Hope you enjoy it as much as I did!!! Be sure your sound is on!




Elliana's Song by Watermark

Baby woman, tiny in stature now

But your heart is a treasure

Little princess come follow behind me now

I am reaching for you

(chorus)Elliana, God has answered my prayers

Elliana, God will conquer my fears

To mother a daughter, to look you in the eye

To know that I had everything, to walk with you in life

To give you to Jesus that He would impart

The wisdom that I'm longing for to mother your heart

Elliana, God has answered my prayers

There will be others to lead and to guide you girl

But only one you'll call Mother, the honor is all mine

To show you what a woman's like

I'm so glad you're mine

(chorus)

Tenderness of God is twirling around In our living room tonight

Lighten up your daddy's eyes

And know that he just wants to freeze you in time

(chorus)

To Our Dear Elliana (Ten Weeks Old)

We dreamed of you long before

you came into our world.

We dreamed about adopting

a little boy or little girl.

We didn't yet know when or where

or even if or how,

but we knew the child we dreamed about

would come to us somehow.

The ocean of adoption has a

rough and tumble tide,

but we jumped into the water

knowing you were worth the ride.

And even though the journey

had some sad and stormy weather,

the prize was worth a million storms

when we were all together.

It's difficult to dare to dream of

becoming a father or mother,

when you can't control your destiny

and need the help of others.

That's why you're such a miracle-

you found us and we found you.

We dared to dream,

We dreamed of you.

We dreamed...

and you came true!

~Karen Burniston

Looks Like We Made It!!!

I keep playing that one phrase of that song in my head. "Looks like we made it, look how far we've come...we might have took the long way, but we knew we'd get there someday" I know its about a romantic love, but it also feels quite appropriate for today. We arrived home, safe and sound, from Indiana at about 10:30pm. It feels good to be home!!!

I am sooooo filled with happiness. I just may bust. In one of life's most surprising of twists, turns, and miracles my dearest friend Sue, (who has been keeping you updated on my blog) welcomed home her son today!!!

I am still not able to comprehend the magnitude of this. Our girls are two months apart. That was awesome. And now, Ellie and Cullen are 5 days apart! We can't wait to meet you, little guy!

Praise God!!!!

What a Day!

Sue, Thank you SOOO VERY MUCH for your updates on the blog. They will be nice to look back on later, as well. :) It was a loooooonnnnng day with a lot of down time. I have a new respect for all those helpless fathers waiting for baby to come.

The good news is that Ellie is okay. The bad news is that she is currently in NICU. :( During the delivery, she swallowed some meconuim. They were able to get most, if not all of it out. She also didn't breathe on her own for the first five mins. That was quite a scare. Her APGARS were 4 and 8. They were able to stabalize her. Howie, Gabi, and I spent some time alone with her in the pre-op room for a bit. That was very nice. They moved her and "A" upstairs after a while. We of course, tagged along. :)

The nurses took Ellie for what they said would be about 2 hours so they could bathe her and such. I sent Howie and Gabi back to the hotel for some swimming and dinner. I pretty much hung out with "A". The NICU dr. came in to tell us that Ellie was in a bit of distress, not breathing quite well on her own, and that they had taken her downstairs to NICU. It was very nice, because they had told the staff down there about me, and I was encouraged to go down. Which I immediately did.

She has a feeding tube, a tube to help her breathe, and an iv. It's scary to see, but compared to some of the other peanuts in there, she is doing GREAT. Hopefully, tomorrow she will be back upstairs. I don't really have any "good" pics of her yet though, because of this. Thanks for your kind words and thoughts today!!

STATS: 7 pounds 2 oz. 20 inches long. Born at 2:21 pm.

D-Day

I will continue updating throughout the day as news trickles in. ~Sue

4:30- spoke with teri, ellie is doing wonderfully. there were a few rough moments. but all is well now. she was able to feed her her first bottle. howie and gab are back at the hotel for a bit. the hospital is not letting teri stay the night. so i am sure she will post more about the day and additional photos later this evening.

3:45pm- just received word that ELLIE HAS ARRIVED!!!!!!! so adorable. dark hair, chubby cheeks. picture perfect. Yay!!!!!!!

3:30pm- nothing new other than sue is officially going CRAZY!!!!!!!! BTW, I would love to see how many hits this blog is getting today, lol.

2:20pm- just took "A" back. teri waiting in recovery.

1:20pm- still no baby. surgeries are running behind. UGH. "A" is really nervous and wants her mom. teri is back out waiting with Howie and Gab. keep those prayers coming!

11am- they made it to the hospital and Teri is with "A". ooo i have goosebumps....and tears of course! her cell phone is getting turned off now. more later.

9:30am- helped her choose her outfit via picture messaging. so neat. it's almost like being there in person.

8am- spoke with Teri. still at hotel. she seems very calm.

Happy BIRTHday Elliana!

Amazingly, I think I grabbed a few hours of sleep. The bed was actually quite comfy. I woke up a lot, but each time I did I broke into a giant smile, rolled over and drifted back off. Mr. Sand Man had quite the interesting subject to watch last night! It's about 6:30. I ran down to the lobby, grabbed a few cups of coffee to bring back to the room and here I sit. Howie and Gabi are in the other room asleep. I am praying that all goes well with the birth today. Wow! Wow! Wow!

Indiana, it is!

Well, we have arrived safely at our hotel (despite several shards of ice decimating our car along the way). :) The second we hit South Bend, I was a mess of HAPPY tears. It's such an amazing feeling to arrive at the end of a long, long journey (both literally and figuratively). Tonight, we went shopping at Super Target (a first for us) for some food and then ate dinner at I-Hop.

Afterwards, Howie took Gabi swimming while I took a shower and readied our room. We haven't met up with "A". I think we are both feeling excited, but nervous. We need to be at the hospital tomorrow am at 11. Surgery is at 1. Going to check out the campus of Notre Dame before hand as it is about a mile from here. Sue will post pics and updates tomorrow! Thank you ALL for your love and support!

...and We're Off!

The bags are packed. The car is loaded. We are ready to go! Woo-Hoo! We are on our way!!!! We couldn't be more excited if we tried! Gabi was singing about Indiana in bed tonight. Life is GOOOOD! Praise God!

Ummm, HELLO?!?!?!

THREE DAYS!!!?? DID ANYONE ELSE NOTICE THAT I HAVE THREE DAYS LEFT ON THAT TICKER UP THERE????? OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG

Lawyer called today. All is still as planned. Let's just hope this ice storm doesn't try to get in my way of Ellie!!!

10 Days and Counting.....

OMG OMG OMG OMG I echo Sue's sentiments: "Is this REALLY happening? Somebody PINCH me!!" Here are the plans so far:

Wednesday, March 5, 2008- LAST day of work (hopefully, for the rest of the school year)

Thursday, March 6, 2008- Howie, Gabi, and I leave for Indiana.

Friday, March 7, 2008- Ellie arrives via a scheduled c-section, at which I will be present.

Sunday, March 9, 2008- Lawyer meets with "A" for surrenders.

Monday, March 10, 2008- Lawyer goes to court in AM to begin ICPC process, as well as to have a letter faxed to the hospital stating that Ellie should be released to us.

Monday, March 10, 2008- Nicki flies in at about 6 pm to stay with us until we return home.

I'm not sure exactly how long it will take for the ICPC to go through. It looks like we could be leaving Indiana as early as Wednesday.

I'm hoping to be able to stay with Elliana at the hospital all weekend. Let's just put it this way, hospital room, or no hospital room- I don't plan on leaving until she's in my arms. Howie and Gabi will come visit during the days.

Ellie's suitcase is packed. Our suitcases are out. Just need to pack us. Well, Gabi packed her suitcase about 2 weeks ago, but I'm thinking I should look into that a bit more..... :)

I'll Admit it, I'm OBSESSED....

Obsessed with thoughts of Ellie that is!! I was talking to Jodie on IM tonight and it occured to me that it is NEXT WEEK! NEXT WEEK our daughter will be born!!! WOWZERS!!!!!! I keep imagining what she will look like. Will she have a ton of hair? (I think she will) Will she be tiny? Big? (I am guessing in the 8 pound range) Will she have all her little fingers and toes? (Despite my unfounded original fears of a missing limb, I am certain she will) Will she know I'm her Mommy and that I've loved her before even setting eyes on her? (I will spend my life proving this to her) Will she know how much "A" loves her? (I will tell her this all the time) Will she know how very very much our family (and friends) have hoped and prayed for her? (We will spend a lifetime "showing" her!)

March 7, 2008

That's the date our daughter is set to arrive. She will be entering the world via a scheduled c-section. I can't believe it!! I spoke to our lawyer today, who had just spoken to "A" at length. You were all soooo right, she just wants her space. He indicated that she is very commited to placing her with us. PHEW!!!!!! So, as it stands- we will be leaving for Indiana on March 6th. I CAN'T WAIT! SEVENTEEN DAYS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for your continued prayers. I so believe in the power of prayer!!