Of Gabisms, Genetics, and Goodness!

Gabisms:

Some of the latest:

Yesterday, I had the girls in the tub. Just as Howie (who happens to be THE MOST NEUROTIC father) walks by Ellie does some "Superfly" wrestling move where she stands up and throws herself down. Yes, all this in the tub. So, eagle eyes walks by and YELLS "OOOHH, IS SHE OKAY!?!?!" as he prepares himself for CPR, AED, or other lifesaving gestures. Meanwhile, Gab and I have barely moved. We're calm. We see these miniature Hulk Hogan moves all the time. So Gabi looks at Howie then looks at me, and says "Why is he so draaamatic?"

Gram was telling me about a conversation she had with Gabi:
Gram: (looking at a pink VS bag)- "Victoria's Secret... why does that sound so familiar?"
Gabi: "Perhaps you buy your underwear there like my Mommy does?"


Onto Genetics:

Went to Strong Genetics a few weeks back. My sister was feeling too ill from the chemo she had just had a few days earlier to attend. So, I went by myself. It was scary but highly informative. The genetic counselor spent a ton of time with me educating and answering questions. At the end of the appointment I was given a little kit to take upstairs to the blood draw lab. My blood was drawn without much incident (other than me falling, but that's a whole other story lol). I have an appointment on May 8 for the results. I am so nervous and pretty consumed with "what if's". I keep reminding myself to SHUT UP and just wait. Either way, I can do nothing about it until then. It's in God's hands.

and Finally, Goodness:

Life is GOOD! Elliana is walking!!! She took her first steps at the annual Adoptive Families Easter Egg Hunt and really took off on Monday, April 13. There has been nothing stopping her since then! She is on a MISSION! Her mission you ask? To get into ANYTHING and EVERYTHING that she shouldn't be into!

Gabi is doing great as well. Enjoying her spring break and continually maturing as the 40-year-old-in-a-five-year-old body that she is!

Nicki is finishing up her first year at ACP. She is doing well and although I CAN'T wait to have her home, I am so happy for her. I know she is enjoying life.

We have a major wedding coming up in May. Our niece Michele, (Howie's sister's daughter) is getting married at the Hotel Pierre (formerly the Four Seasons) in Manhattan. It's so exciting and should be an amazing time. Lots of pressure though!!! Ahhhh!

"I don't believe it! An awe-toe-mah-tick baby rocker!" ~Uncle Roy

Last week my perfectly healthy Uncle (Uncle Roy) was suddenly in severe stomach pain. They rushed him to the hospital to find out hours later that he had developed a blood clot that had killed off much of his large intestine. A week and five surgeries later, with all of his large intestine removed and 75% of his small intestine, he has just been taken off of life support. The hardest part is that my Aunt, Uncle, and Cousin live in Australia. How in the world do you appropriately mourn for and grieve the life of someone who lives so far away that you can't even hop on an airplane to get there?

As you may recall, they were just here in April/May when my Gram was sick. He was the first person to make Ellie laugh. And boy did she LAUGH at him! When he first saw Ellie's plush papasan swing he was startled! He gasped (in his British sounding Aussie accent) "Why I don't believe it! An automatic (awe-toe-mah-tick) baby rocker!" And at 2 months old, she thought that was the funniest thing in the world .

Update: Uncle Roy passed away today, April 11, 2009. So long sweet Uncle, so long.

Dr's Dr's Dr's

Last night Mom, Gidget, and I headed to the Millennium Hotel in Buffalo so that we would be close by for today's 7:00am appointment with the Gynecologic Oncologist. This was the appointment we had been anxiously anticipating as we prepared ourselves to hear the results of the recent CT/PET scan, as well as the findings of the in-depth review of her pathology slides from the hysterectomy.

Today we learned this:

--She has two forms of cancer- uterine and ovarian.

--The PET scan was "positive" which means that cancer was present in her lymph nodes.

--There was also evidence of cancer on her fallopian tubes.

The plan is:

--Another surgery ASAP (within 10 days) to remove her lymph nodes. This will allow for precise staging of the cancer as well.

--Chemotherapy

--Radiation Therapy

It's all so much to swallow. It's just a nightmare with no escape upon awakening.

We did have some "mandatory fun" (per my demands) at the hotel last night. We swam, ate big slices of chocolate cake, mighty taco, and watched Desperate Housewives snuggled up in bed. I think we even forgot that mandatory part for awhile!

Visiting With Gabi's Birthfamily

Gabi and her bio-brother Tyler (Is that the same face or what??)


Ellie and Cole (Gabi's Tummy Mommy)


Uncle Andrew, Aunt Michelle and Gabi's Cousins and Sisters

Yesterday, we traveled to Buffalo for a visit with Gabi's birthfamily. First, we visited with her birthmom Nicole (or "Cole" as Gabi calls her), and Gabi's brother Tyler. Afterwards, we went to Aunt Michelle and Uncle Andrew's house where cousins Andrew, Caitlyn, and Alyssa were. Along with her sisters Ashley and Erica. It was an awesome day!

From Bad to Worse

We went to the oncologist today in Buffalo. He straightforwardly told us that he thinks it's ovarian cancer, not uterine. Many of you know that our beloved Aunt Annette (who Ellie is named after) died of Ovarian cancer 6 years ago. 18 months after she was diagonsed. She was also stage III but she was at C not A.

This Dr. is very thorough and I'm confident that he is checking all of his options before he comes up with a course of treatment.

His main concern is her age. She is only 36 and he kept stressing how rare this cancer is at her age. He also said there is a chance that she has two different cancers working (ovarian and uterine).

So here is where we are at:

Friday- she see's our OB/GYN here

Wed 12/31- CT/PET scan in Buffalo (full body scan)

Mon 1/5- Appointment with gynecological oncologist to discuss results and treatment

Her pathology slides are being sent to the head of pathology at a hospital in Buffalo for extensive review.

She also has to get more bloodwork.

I can't believe this is real. It's like we have boarded a train that none of us wanted to get on. But instead of having control to get off of it, it's just accelerating to the point where we can't even see the scenery passing us by it's just a blur.

At the Christmas Eve service tonight I had such a flood of emotions. Our family is so complete. Ellie is finally here. I have so much to be thankful for. And then the word "cancer" punches me in the gut.

Merry Chrismukkah!

Quick update on my sister- she has an appointment on Tuesday for the results of her biopsy from the hysterectomy. Thanks for your continued prayers...I will let you know.

In other news........

Tonight we celebrated the first night of Hannukah. I truly love that our daughters are so richly blessed with two different cultures to experience.

Tis the Season to be....STRESSED!

Ugh. Where to begin? Where to begin?

Last Monday Howie was in a car accident on his way to work. He was not at all hurt, just severely shaken up. Found out today that the car is officially "totalled". Last December when the lease on our BELOVED Honda Odyssey was up, we sadly "down-graded" to a Subaru Outback in effort to save money in gas. I have been quite miserable ever since. It looks like we are going to be getting another Odyssey this weekend, and Howie will likely take the Subaru, but that leaves us with two car payments for the next four years. :(

Yesterday, my sister had an emergency hysterectomy. She has been suffering from severe abdominal pain for the past few months, and it was recently discovered that she had a mass on her ovary. She had exploratory surgery scheduled for later this month. Her pain was so severe that she was back in the ER Saturday evening. The mass had grown from 6 inches to 11 inches in ONE WEEK!!! They decided to go in and do surgery yesterday afternoon. Unfortunately, they had to do a complete hysterectomy. We won't know for about a week if she has ovarian cancer. We are of course praying that she's fine.

My Aunt died from this horrific cancer six years ago. She was only 44. My sister is only 36. The good news is that the Dr. is "optimistic" (75%) that it's NOT cancer. She doesn't have any kids, and has always said that she didn't want any.

I find myself grieving more than her for the loss of her uterus. I'm sad that my Mom never gets to see either of her two daughters pregnant. She of course, doesn't care about that, as long as we are healthy.

Here's a THROWBACK pic!!!!

Teri and Gidget circa 1994

Halloween 2008

Make a Smilebox scrapbook

Answers.....

Finally.



Yesterday, my Mom had her stress test. In her words she "failed miserably." Actually, after speaking with the doctor, I agree. He was amazed that she was functioning normally. Twice while hooked up her heart skipped beats. First, it skipped four beats and then three. He told her if she passed out while that happened the only way to get her out of it would be to shock her. Considering she lives alone, this was unbelievably disturbing news. He scheduled a angiogram/plasty for first thing today.



The angiogram revealed complete blockage in two of her arteries. The LAD and the circumflex. He immediately inserted stents into both sites. Ten hours later- she is feeling very well. Amazing. Hopefully, she will be released tomorrow.

It is SUCH a relief to know what was causing all of her symptoms.

Here is a picture of us from last week when she was in the ER. We were trying to pass the time by being goofy. It's how we roll. ;)

Arugh

In a perfect world anyone who has to wait months and years INDEFINITELY without the comfort of a due date, or the certainty that must exist when one feels their child swimming around inside of them would forever be exempt from anymore waiting. I mean shouldn't there be an unwritten rule that says "Oh, you are an adoptive parent, well you've certainly paid your penance for waiting, skip to the front of the line." But alas, this is no perfect world that we live in.

There hasn't been one particular experience that has brought this thought to mind. There have been many. Most certainly, all of them mundane enough that I should shut my mouth and be happy. But, still I find myself perserverating on my distaste for waiting. One would think that after having waited for so long for my children to be placed into my arms that I would be an expert at the art of patience. But I am clearly not.

I have deluded myself into wanting things when I want them. Now. Crazy, I know. For example, I went to three different "walk in" eye Dr's for an exam the other day. None could provide for me at that very moment- but offered appointments within hours. I was annoyed. In trying to call customer service for a product, the automated machine announced that the office was closed until Monday. I was aghast at the thought that someone wasn't perched by the telephone ready to meet my every need.

My Mom ended up back in the ER this week and was subsequently admitted. One who enters the hospital in anticipation of immediate answers will be "sorely" disappointed. (I just came up with that, it should be on a fortune cookie or something, no?). The medical community is clearly facing a huge deficit for Dr's and nursers. A sign of the times. But when it's MY Mom I don't care about that. I want someone to fix her. Now. But, we still have no answers. She has been released, and has a stress test scheduled for Tuesday (something the Dr required her to get "immediately" when she was in the hospital two weeks ago- this was the soonest it could be scheduled). She is feeling better, and so I must focus on that. Not on all of the time that passes between the questions and the answers to them.

Albany Farmage of Cology

Or, as most people know it Albany College of Pharmacy. Gabi has decided that when she gets bigger she is going to attend "Albany Farmage of Cology" just like her big sister. We had such a great visit with Nicki. She is doing GREAT! She gets tired easily, but appears to be quickly on the mend from that nasty bout of Mono.

Mama Mia!!

Oy!! If it's not one thing it's your Mother. ;)

My poor Mommy just spent the past 2 days in the hospital. Her blood pressure has skyrocketed for no real apparent reason. She is a typical low-normal, and went as high as 186/110. It seems to be under better control via medication. The Dr. indicated the high blood pressure is likely genetically caused, and that it's quite possibly here to stay. She was released this evening with a litany of tests to undergo in the next week. Please lift her up in prayer. On a positive note, she is going to try and quit smoking after nearly 30 years. Please pray for her strength in this difficult endeavour.

The thought of losing her scares the living daylights out of me. She is my ultimate safe person in life. Of course, I have Howie, and my friends- but nothing compares to being comforted by Mom. I adore her beyond words.

I love you, Mom!!!

Savoring Summer's Final Moments

We have been blessed with beautiful weather this weekend. Yesterday, we spent the afternoon at Sea Breeze after both girls had Dr's appointments. Ellie had her GI appointment- not much new there- just increased her meds to reflect her growth- she weighed in at 16 pounds 14 ounces and is 26 inches long. Gabi had her 5 year visit where she braved four shots. I was almost crying with her.

Tonight, we had another fire in our backyard fire pit. We also got out a blanket and admired the beauty of a clear summer night. The stars were so visible. Howie, Gabi and I were just laying on our backs looking up. There was something magical about that one simple moment. I love it when we take the time to pay attention to the here and now. Sadly, Ellie was in bed so she missed it.

Rauur!!! It's a LION!!

We spent yesterday at the zoo. Despite the fact that we have a membership, we don't visit nearly as often as we should!! It was a great day and we all had a blast.

Blessed Beyond Words

With Brother-Tyler

The Gang

With Sisters- Erica and Ashley


Telling her Grandma "Don't even think about stealing my baby!"

With Cousins Alyssa and Caitlyn

Aunt Michelle and Ellie

Today I am feeling so grateful. Once again, we had an amazing visit with Gabi's birth family. I am in awe of them. They are so kind and treat both of my girls (and Howie and I) as a part of their family. The children are so beautiful! Oh how I love to watch Gabi playing with her siblings and cousins. Anyone who questions open adoption should spend a day with our families. Or, should I say family. Because that's what we are, we are one giant family joined together by one of the most amazing little girls to ever grace the planet. I sent Sue a picture from my phone of all the kids sitting together being goofy- and she responded with one word: Heavenly. I couldn't have said it better myself.

At today's visit were:

• Grandma Kathy
• Aunt Michelle
• Sisters- Ashley and Erica (missing- Emily)
• Brother- Tyler (missing- David and Doug)
• Cousins- Andrew, Alyssa, and Caitlyn

When we got home tonight, Gabi was sitting on the floor doing a puzzle when she says to no one in particular- "I don't want to talk because I'm sad". So I ask her what she is feeling sad about. She looks up at me with those gorgeous blue eyes full of tears and says "I miss my brother and sisters and cousins." So we talked for awhile about those feelings. At one point she even said that she would like to live with them so that she could always see them. Both Howie and I listened (to the little girl who didn't want to talk) as she worked her way through her own thoughts. Finally, she said "I feel better because I did this puzzle". So the three of us sat down and did it again, this time together.

Shore Was Fun!!

We've just returned from a relaxing week at the Jersey Shore where Howie's sister graciously puts us up every summer. Her family owns a gorgeous house a block from the ocean. I'll let the pictures do the talking. :)

SAHM I Am (if only for a moment)

How is it that time flies by so very quickly when we are enjoying ourselves, and yet seems to crawl when we are in periods of distress, such as, gee idk- WAITING FOR A BABY?!

The nineteen months waiting to bring home Elliana were pretty much THE LONGEST 19 MONTHS of my LIFE! Anyway, fast forward to now. Ellie is 3 months old. Gabi is finishing her year of UPK. And me, well I'm still off of work, but.... Unfortunately, there is a BUT in that statement.

The BUT is that I am going back to work on Tuesday. It's only for 8 days, to register my kids for summer school and tie up loose ends, and then I am off again for the summer. But technically, my parental leave, no my MATERNITY leave is over. Once I go back, I'm officially back. Don't get me wrong, I am eternally grateful to have the majority of the summer off, only working random days here and there. But, it's never going to be the same again.

Staying home this past three months has quite possibly been the BEST 3 months of my life. I LOVE waking up to the girls. Being able to take Gabi to and from school. Picking her up and running errands, or going for a playdate, or just coming home and being "Motherly". They have been my everything these past few months. I have been able to focus souly on being Mom and Wife. Now I have to be Mom, Wife, and Counselor. I love my job, I love the students, which makes it all a bit easier. But, what I wouldn't give to be able to spend a year or two in the roll of SAHM.

We have tossed around so many ideas. But the reality is, with the cost of two recent adoptions, the start of private college tuition in the fall, and my own student loans, short of selling our house and cars, it's just not possible.

But I'm not going to mope or be negative (much). I'm going to count my many blessings (remind me if I slip) and appreciate (to the best of my ability) the life we've made.

Memorial Day 2008

Today was amazing. The weather was perfect! We went to the Zoo with my Mom, Sister, Brother, Niece and Nephew. We all had a great time. Afterward, Howie, Gabi, Ellie, and I drove to the beach for lunch, ice cream, and a walk on the pier. I can't remember a time in my life when I was happier. I love spending time with my family. I love that Ellie is home. Life is good.

G'day Mate

I haven't been online much lately. Last Friday, the phone rang at 5am, which is never a good thing. It was my Mom calling to say that Gram had a very bad night. In fact, she had "coded" and was in critical condition. The good news is that she is FINE!!! In fact, after a few days in ICU she was moved to a regular room. Yesterday, she was moved to a nursing home for a brief rehabilitative stay!! Amazing!

Through difficulties, opportunities often arise. As a result of all this with Grandma, my Aunt, Uncle and Cousin have flown in for a two week stay from Australia. I adore them. My Aunt and Uncle were here in June. However, my cousin Alisha hasn't been "stateside" in nearly NINE YEARS! We keep in regular contact via email and such, but it just isn't the same as being able to squeeze her! She met Gabi and Ellie for the very first time. They LOVE her. We all do. She is staying here at the house with us for the two weeks. YIPPPPEEEEEEEE!!!! I am so very very very happy!!!!

I Love NY

Ellie traveled to NYC for the very first time to meet her Grandma Sylvia and Grandpa Kenny, along with the rest of the family. Everyone was quite smitten with her. Gabi enjoyed spending time with her cousins, particularly Charlotte who is only a year and a half younger than her.