As Long as WE Understand...

We get it. It makes perfect sense to us. We encourage it. Our family and friends wish we wouldn't do it. They don't understand. "Just let it go" they tell us. We can't. We won't. We will always do what is best for our children. Yesterday, without telling a single family member, (as history tells us all they will do is discourage) we had a wonderful meeting with Gabi's birthmother, Nicole, or "Cole" as Gabi has lovingly dubbed her.

It was our second time meeting her, we met her in May on birthmothers day at a celebration. This was different. This was one-on-one in the privacy of the conference room at Adoption STAR. She brought the twins, Emily and David, who are 1.5 years younger than Gabi. She also brought Ashley who is 10, and Erica who is 8. Gabi has met the older girls quite a bit on visits with their grandmother, so they were old friends coming together to laugh and play. Naively unaware of the blood that flows in common among them.

And it made sense. There will be no (or hopefully fewer) questions of "Who" or "What" or "Why" in our future. Only "When" as in "Mommy, when can we see them again?"

Things to Remember....Not to Forget

A couple of thoughts on visits.....

1. Always bring food to a meeting with your child's' birthfamily.

2. Bring toys (crayons, puzzles, blocks) to help normalize things.

3. About 1-2 hours really is enough time.

4. Write down anything that might seem important to remember later to share with your child.

A couple of thoughts to remember for Gabi......

1. Cole loved to eat Lucky Charms (only the marshmallows, humm sounds like someone I know) when she was pregnant with Gabi.

2. Ashley is in 4th grade, Erica is in 2nd.

3. Cole's step mom died last week. Her father lives in Tennessee (about 200 miles from Grandma Kathy).

4. Her boyfriend (and father of the twins) is named Steve. He works for a moving company (delivering furniture for the BonTon and such). On Friday's he usually works in Rochester.

5. Steve has three children. They visit on the weekends- giving the house a total of 7 children on those days!

6. Tyler (who was 2 when Gabi was born, and the only child living with Cole at the time, now lives with his dad) used to have "Breath Holding Spells" like Gabi (where he passed out) and would have seizures after.

7. All of the children have asthma.

8. David and Emily share a room, with their own beds. David likes to get out of his bed at night and crawl into bed with Emily!

Enjoying the "Here and Now"

I truly am enjoying this holiday season. I am trying to remember that right here, right now is what is important. Nicki and Gabi are here now. They are enjoying these days- just as much as they would be if there were a baby here. I am trying to do the same. I am trying to savor every moment with Gabi as the youngest, before she moves to "middle-hood".

Sadly, we said "No"

Yesterday, the unbelievable happened. That which I pray hourly for; Adoption STAR called. Yes, I was talking with Vicky at the end of the day...procrastinating going to work out...and my cell phone vibrated. My heart skipped a beat as it always does when I reach for the phone these days, only to LEAP as the familiar 716 area code danced across my screen. It was Michele. She prefaced her call by saying she had a referral, but it wasn't perfect. There is a baby due to be born on Dec 31, 2006 in PA. The birth father will only accept a Jewish, or part Jewish couple for the baby. The birth father was diagnosed with schitzophernia at the age of 25. The birth mother is bi-polar. Ouch. Our fear of the unknown lead us to decline. I cried. I pray for this child. I know I don't have the strength to not worry or wonder every day, "when will the symptoms start?" That wouldn't be fair to us or this child. Sigh.

An Ephiphany

I had an interesting realization this week. A kind of sad one, almost. So, you know when you are trying to get pregnant, and so you have this "window" each month where every time you go to the bathroom, your heart beats a little faster, praying that you won't see red. Hoping that this is "it". After getting your period, you can breathe again for another month. With adoption, there is no breath. Every day, every phone call, is a silent prayer that this will be "it". I swear, the only time I take a breath is after about 10:00pm, with the thought that "there is no way they will call this late" pacifying me.

I was never good with peer pressure

Ok- I've decided to tell you something-something I've never told anyone before. I am a wannabee! I didn't want a blog until all of you had to go and get em- then I thought "Well hey, if everybody else has one, then I must too, if in fact I want to maintain my coolness status." So here I am in my inaugural posting! Woo Hoo GO ME!!! Anyway- I don't have time to read all of my emails, or even go to the bathroom regularly, for that matter- so please don't expect too much from me!!