An Ephiphany

I had an interesting realization this week. A kind of sad one, almost. So, you know when you are trying to get pregnant, and so you have this "window" each month where every time you go to the bathroom, your heart beats a little faster, praying that you won't see red. Hoping that this is "it". After getting your period, you can breathe again for another month. With adoption, there is no breath. Every day, every phone call, is a silent prayer that this will be "it". I swear, the only time I take a breath is after about 10:00pm, with the thought that "there is no way they will call this late" pacifying me.