The Week of Reflections Has Begun

It happens with Gabi, so why am I surprised that it is happening with Ellie? Today, I am carrying a bittersweet cloud. I am in awe that Ellie is already going to be one in just 7 days. I am overcome with love for her. And I am sad that this all comes at the expense of another woman's loss. Yearly, I have shed tears on Gabi's birthday for Nicole. Not because I think she is longing for her or regretting her decision. It is for what I see everyday. What I know she has lost. For what she will never know in this little girl that she created. At first, it was a cognizant thought. I remembered to remember her. On her third birthday, in a gift shop on Martha's Vineyard, with no warning a sob caught in my throat and brought me to my knees. I mourn for what neither of my daughters birth mothers will ever know. I mourn for them, the absence of these amazing children in their lives.

Every waiting adoptive parent should buy an adoption "waiting" journal. For Gabi, I had "Til There Was You: An Adoption Expectancy Journal" and for Ellie I used "Waiting for You: An Heirloom Adoption Journal for My Future Child".

I was recently reflecting on some of my entries in the Ellie book.


I found the following excerpt both inspiring and blissful:


February 25, 2008 (month 19 of being "homestudy ready")


"My dearest Elliana~ I can finally sit down and write directly to YOU! Oh Ellie, in just 11 days you will enter this world and become a permanent member of our family. How I am longing to meet you! Your birthmother, Angela is such a kind person. She wants the best in life for you and I promise to always remember that!"


Nearly one year later, I still remember the love that Angela feels for her. Daily, I thank God for allowing us the joy of raising this perfect little being we call "Ellie".

Quick Update

I have been so negligent on my blog these days. Not much has been happening. Just enjoying every second of life with our girls. Today, we are home because Gabi woke in the night with a terrible case of that nasty stomach flu. :-(

We spent the weekend at a waterpark in Niagara Falls. It was such a blast. We traveled with the Reardon's and it's so fun seeing the kids together. Cullen and Ellie definitely recognize each other. They greet with a hug and both of them saying "aaahhhhh". It's so adorable!!

My Beautiful Uterus

That's right, I said it. My uterus is beautiful. Oh, and my ovaries are perfect. This is all according to the results of the not-so-pleasant-catheter-in-the-va-jay-jay-sonar-histogram I had this afternoon. Yayyyy! More good results. They did send out a sample of the uterine lining for a biopsy, but Dr. expects it to be just fine. One more sigh of relief. If only we had known to do these tests for my sister. :(

Some new Gabisms for ya:

Gabi: My allergies are really acting up today.

Mom: Oh yah, what allergies?

Gabi: Well you know I'm allergic to stop lights, cd players, and driver side door handles.

Here's another.......

Gabi was in her bedroom "teaching her kids" (which consists of about 25 stuffed animals). Howie and I opened her door to talk to her about dinner or something.

Gabi: "Oh my gosh my class is right here, this is SO EMBARRASSING."

Packing list for an out of state adoption

Can you BELIEVE it??????? Our baby is 11 months old today?!?!? I know I can't! This time last year we were anxiously counting down the days until March.

One month to the day before our departure for Indiana I started packing Ellie's suitcase. I scoured the Internet for "lists" of what I "should" be packing. I didn't find much. I came across my list recently and decided to post it here. Hopefully, it will be helpful (especially to Mark and Janet :) xoxo).

Ellie's Packing List

Blankets: 1 regular cotton, 3 receiving, 2 swaddle, 1 small quilt to use in hotel room as a changing pad base

Winter Coat & Hat

Newborn hats: 5

Mitts: 1 pair (ended up going to BRU while there to buy more)

Onesies: 10 white and 1 "I <3 Daddy"

Gowns: 7

Sleepsacks: 2

Socks: 8 pairs plus one pair of booties

PJ's: One pair

Burp cloths: 7

Outfits: 8

Microwave Bottle Sterilizer: Never Used

Bouncy Seat: Assembled there. Used often in hotel- especially for her to sleep in.

Infant Car Seat with JJ Cole Cover

Diapers & Wipes

Disposable infant washcloths

We ended up using most of what we packed except the outfits. I mostly just kept her in gowns because they were so practical.

When you are traveling out-of-state for an adoption it is impossible to know how long you will be there. We were there for 7 nights. If you can, DEFINITELY stay close to the hospital in a SUITE (with a separate bedroom and a kitchen). Call the concierge at the hotel and tell them why you are coming. They have amazing connections.

We went shopping at a Super Target the night we arrived and bought food. We were also traveling with our 4 year old, so snacks and breakfast food were uber important.

I also packed little "surprises" for our 4 year old to open along the way, including a special one for the hospital. (A doll and car seat like Mommy's).

Go to the Chamber of Commerce website for the city you will be staying in. They have some great recommendations. Also, if you won't be traveling with a GPS (which I highly recommend) print out directions to and from hospital, hotel, and restaurants in advance.

What we didn't bring:

Formula- didn't know what kind she would be on. Hospital provided more than enough to get us through the week and then some.

Pack and Play- it was too cumbersome. We just used her car seat and the bouncy chair.

Infant Stain Removing Product and detergent- Had to go buy that while we were there, too. Bring some!!!

Yayyyyyyyy!!!!!

Normal CA-125 levels are 35 and under. Mine is 4.2. YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Takin' Care of Business

Apparently, when your sister gets cancer of the uterus and ovaries it means many things for many people. Obviously, the worst is that she is sick. That she has to go through seemingly endless injections of poison in order to make her feel better. And it's terrible to watch her go through this. It's debilitating to watch your Mom as she struggles in comprehending the magnitude of the fact that her eldest daughter is very, very sick.

There are also the silent, selfish thoughts that plague one who's family seems prone to hereditary cancers. The biggest question of all of course being, "Will this happen to me?" It is compounded by the fact that every medical professional encourages one's siblings to be diligent in cancer awareness and screenings.

So, being the psycho-somatic freak that I am, I have decided to heed these words of wisdom.

Here is where I am at in the process:

Yesterday, had the CA-125 blood test. Results expected by Thursday.

Next Thursday (2/13/09)- Sonar Histogram

Next Month- First genetic testing appointment at Strong for my sister and I.

In the extremely rare event that anything comes back even slightly abnormal I will have a laproscopic procedure to explore inside the uterus.

Make & Take and a Sledding Date!

This morning, Lisa, Sue and I made our way to Make & Take where we prepared 6+ meals for later consumption. If you haven't tried it, I highly recommend it!! I felt like Rachel Ray!! :)

Afterwards, Howie and I took the girls sledding and for some outside play in the yard. It was SO MUCH FUN!!! :)