Does Your Face Hurt??

Cause it's killing me! Well actually it nearly killed me yesterday when I got a phone call from the school nurse saying that my baby had fallen and needed to see her dr. The GREAT news is that she is FINE! She was running on the playground and tripped falling into a metal bar. Her first injury away from her Mommy and Daddy. Sigh. She did sooo well! What a big girl she is. Last night as we were reflecting on the day, my 40 year old daughter says to me, "Mom, that school nurse sure is a nice lady, she took such good care of me." Lol.

My New Strength

It has been a good week. A very good week indeed. For some blessed reason, I feel in control again. I feel powerful, and strong, and capable. I was so sick of feeling powerless, weak, and defeated. You know those "Aha" moments? Moments where you can almost feel your mindset shift from one place to another? I had one of those this week. The answer for me is simple- LET GO. I have let go of the need for control. I have let go of my need to "make" this adoption happen. In one of those amazing ironies of life, the more I loosen up on my need for control of the situation, the more "in control" of my emotions I feel. I remind myself daily, ( or hourly, or by the minute even) that no matter how much I obsess, or question, or stress, things will happen the way they have always been meant to happen. In God's time. God has a plan for us, all of us. I need to trust that.

I feel like an imposter!

Holy Cow!! As you may know, Gabi is currently enrolled in a Universal Pre-K program at our Elementary School. She has an amazing teacher who has taught K and 1st grade for many years. Anyway, today we had parent/teacher conferences. As I walked into the building, passing other parents and teachers, it occured to me that I was AT A SCHOOL to meet with A TEACHER, no, not just A teacher, MY DAUGHTER'S TEACHER! How was this possible? I was certain that someone was going to grab me and ask for ID. I mean come on, am I really OLD ENOUGH to have a child in school? It's not even the age I question, it's more my maturity level- let's just say- were there ever a "maturity pre-test" required, I am sure I would not even be allow into the parking lot! :) All that aside, I am very pleased to announce that we received a glowing report on Gabi's behalf.

Twins?

Gabi was having trouble falling asleep tonight, so Daddy went into bed with her. This is how I found them 2 hours later............

Fall Fun

We spent the day at a local pumpkin patch with my Mom, my niece Haylie, Nicki, her friend Nikki, and of course Howie, Gabi, and I. It was just perfect weather and we had such a fun day!

Bittersweet Joy

YAY! CONGRATULATIONS are in order here! Friends of ours who have waited for so long, too long are picking up thier son as I write this! How amazingly wonderful! My heart is full of joy for them. Unfortunately, it's also mixed with that pit in my stomach that always seems to surface when a friend announces a pregnancy. I couldn't be happier for them and I'm disgusted with myself for not being able to detach myself from the pain of my own empty arms. Maybe disgusted is too harsh. I also spent time tonight visiting with a recent (07) graduate and her 2 week old daughter. I know our time is nearing, I can feel it. Had another call on the 800 number this morning. That makes 2. She said she would call back in a bit (her children needed her) and she hasn't yet. That was at 9:00 this morning. UGH!

Ouch! This REALLY Hurts!

Today we heard those dreaded words once again "chose to place with another family". I cried. I wailed. I felt sorry for myself. I moved on, with one more reason that our placement will be that much sweeter when it's right. When it happens. I am starting to feel a bit desperate, and I don't like that. I have decided to fully put myself "out there" hoping to find that connection that is meant to be. I know it's out there. I can't yet understand the reason why it took 3 months to bring home Gabi, and at 14 months we are seemingly no closer to baby number 2. I can only imagine that it is because our baby hasn't been born yet. Our baby and the connection that will bring with his or her birth family is in the making. I just know it. I can feel it. We are currently running ads in 3 newspapers, and a few on-line forums.

I am reminded of the following words that have helped me through so many "almosts" (and as we know, almost doesn't count in horseshoes or adoption)

"I don't think a Birth parent chooses her child's parents, as from a Chinese menu, but, rather, recognizes them." ~Amy Jo L.