No Matter What I do.....

nothing seems to work. We were profiled again this week. I tried the don't-tell-anyone-so-as-not-to-jinks-it routine. Found out today we weren't chosen. Throws that theory out the window. I am trying so hard to be strong, to be positive, to keep an open mind. It's just the days like these that throw me back to a place of doubt and insecurity. The good news is that my recovery time appears to be improving. I already feel a little better. I only spent a few hours in "baby mode" as Vicky dubbed it (the time after not being chosen where I can't function). This is good. I used to live there for days. I have the most amazing daughter I could have ever hoped for. I have a step-daughter who fills us with love. Maybe this is where our life is? Maybe we are only meant for these two beautiful girls? I don't say that with self-pity- I say it with realistic expectation. I guess only time will tell. It's in God's hands. It always has been. It always will be.

Another AWESOME Visit!

Today, Gabi and I spent the day visiting with Gabi's Birth Grandma (Grandma Kathy) and three of her bio siblings- Ashley, Erica, and Tyler. These kids are just AWESOME! They are sooooo kind, and thoughtful and I LOVE visiting with them. They all take such great care of each other, including Gabi. She was shy for about a second and quickly warmed up. It was neat watching the four of them playing together. Every now and then I would watch them, imagining what her life could have been. Had she remained with her family of origin, she would be the fourth of six (soon to be seven) children; much different than her "almost" only childhood here. The age difference between her and Nicki (13 years) seems so huge compared to the 2 years that separate her and Tyler. Words just don't do justice to the way I feel about having contact- no, it's more than contact, it's relationships, with the people who share a genetic connection to my daughter. Open adoption is a gift. A blessing. I am so thankful.

Always an Adventure....

We were supposed to leave for NYC to visit with Howie's family for Thanksgiving on Wed am. Well, Tue night poor Gabi came down with a nasty case of the tummy bug. Not wanting to disrupt everyones lives and after much coaxing- I talked Howie into still going with Nicki. It was so strange being without Howie. I always had this sense that something was missing. Anyway, luckily the bug only lasted about 24 hours, so Gabi and I were able to go to my Mom's for dinner on Thursday. I was so humbled by the fact that we had about 5 sincere Thanksgiving Day dinner invitations from friends once they learned we were staying home.

My friend Julie and her son came over on Wed evening to bake and decorate cookies- it was too much fun! Cousin Haylie put a "little" lipstick on Gabi. Humm, did she even get the lips? LOL!!!!

"It's a Small World After All"

I am soooo happy! As many of you know, I cherish the opportunity to connect with Gabi's birth family. Well, on a whim- I looked up her Aunt on myspace and FOUND HER! We have met a few times- and I feel like I've known her forever. Anyway, she is AMAZING! She is equally as thrilled to be in contact with us. She posted the most beautiful, kind words about Gabi and us on her own blog today. What I love most, is that she considers Gabi her niece, just like any of her other nieces and nephews. I marvel at how lucky we are. Lucky to be a part of continuing contact with Gabi's family, and lucky that we live in a day and time where such endeavours are easily possible. I spent all weekend looking at her myspace profile, seeing her pictures, her stories, learning things about Gabi's birthmom along the way. I can see so many of Gabi's physical features in Aunt Michelle as well as in her siblings, and cousins. I LOVE THAT! It's soooo amazing to me!

Guess Who Has COME to Town?

As hard as it is to believe, Santa made his arrival yesterday at our local mall. Gabi and I met my friend Vicky, her daughter Aleigha and son Travis very early (9am) for a free screening of "The Polar Express" which, I must say, ignited my holiday cheer!

After that, we made our way to Santa's castle for a quick visit. The lines were crazy and we ended up waiting an hour! The clowns helped to pass the time.

Gabi was thrilled with Santa this year. She told him that she wanted "a dance mat that you hook up to the tv and dance on."

As an aside, I think I might have accidentally hit on Santa. As Gabi was leaving, and my feelings of desperation started to surface (you know the thoughts of, if I don't do "A" then "B" will never happen). Sooo, I leaned in and whispered to Santa "Gabi's Mommy really wants a baby, Santa. Do you think you could help her with that?" I swear, Santa's twinkle in his eye glowed brighter as he indicated that he would be happy to.
After lunch we headed down to the train- which I must say I just LOVE to look at. It surrounds a giant Christmas tree. I have always wanted a train under the tree, but have never gotten around to actually purchasing one.
All in all, it was a loooong day but amazing day; I just love looking at life through Gabi's eyes!!! Today, we put the Pink Princess Christmas Tree up in her bedroom! So sweet!!!

LET THE SEASON BEGIN!!!!

The Backseat Driver Strikes Again!

This morning on the way to drop Gabi off at Gram and Pap's I remembered that I needed to write a check I had been forgetting about. So, I pulled out my checkbook and proceeded to pay my debt- when I hear from the backseat "Mom, I think there are more important things for you to pay attention to right now, LIKE YOUR DRIVING". What? Are you kidding me? Is she 4 or 40??? She is SOOOO right. Ugh. So, not wanting to set a bad example....... I quickly....... finished writing the check and told her to never do what Mommy just did. LOL.

Happy Halloween!

Gabi had a blast "Trick or Treating" last night with her cousins, Haylie and Isiah.