Hip, Hip, Hip HOOORAY!!!

Congratulations to Jodie, Brent, and family. Tonight they welcomed home baby Nate. He is soooo adorable, and they are just such a perfect family. I just LOVE the miracle of adoption. LOVE IT LOVE IT LOVE IT!!!!!!!

From Our Home to Yours....Merry Christmas!!

Milk & Cookies for Santa. Carrots for Reindeer. Santa Came!!!!

Special Christmas Wishes.....

.....to Gabi...from Aunt Michelle and the kids. How CUTE is this? Gabi's Aunt Michelle (her birthmom's sister) took the most ADORABLE pictures of her kids, and Gabi's two oldest siblings for her. The kids made Gabi signs that say "Merry Christmas" and "I Love You". Yep, I'm crying as I write this. I feel like the luckiest adoptive parent in the world! Thank you so much, Michelle!

From Left to Right: Erica (sister), Alyssa (cousin), Ashley (sister), Aunt Michelle, Caitlyn (cousin), and Andrew (cousin)

Gooooo Penn State!

OMG OMG OMG!!!! "No. 1 Nittany Lions Capture Second NCAA Women's Volleyball Championship"!!!!! I just can't believe it! Last night, a moment came along that happens once in a lifetime! I was able to watch one of my former students play her heart out on ESPN2 in a NCAA Championship game- and they WON!!! I was sobbing as I watched, remembering Alyssa as a mere 8th grader sitting in my office talking about the possibilty of attending a Big 10 college on a volleyball scholarship. Words can't explain how proud I am of her!!!!!!!!

I'm ABOUT to BURST!

Pending verification from STAR---We are MATCHED! We have been found by the MOST AMAZING birth mom! You know that feeling when you talk to someone for the first time, yet you feel like you have known them forever? That's how it is with Angela. She is sooooo easy to talk to. Okay-- here are all the details:

Thursday AM: Called STAR to get some support- was feeling defeated and down about the possibility of EVER being parents again.

Thursday afternoon: Received a call on our 800 number from Angela. Spoke for about 10 mins. She indicated that she was 6 months pregnant. Was unsure of using a newspaper ad to connect with an adoptive family. She seemed relieved when I told her we were also working with an agency. Told her the next step would be for her to call STAR. As soon as we hung up, she called them! :)

Friday AM (11:19 am): Angela called again to tell us that she was choosing us. She had seen our profile online and felt comfortable after speaking with STAR.

Sooooo- at this point it looks like all systems are "Go". Of course we know that anything can happen, but I am "Helplessly Hopeful" that this IS IT! Hopefully, STAR will get her paperwork back from her tomorrow and can review it. FINGERS CROSSED!

Please pray for Angela and her strength throughout this process. Thanks!

Ohhh AND one more thing....... she found out yesterday that she is having a GIRL!

:) I LOVE PINK! :)

No Matter What I do.....

nothing seems to work. We were profiled again this week. I tried the don't-tell-anyone-so-as-not-to-jinks-it routine. Found out today we weren't chosen. Throws that theory out the window. I am trying so hard to be strong, to be positive, to keep an open mind. It's just the days like these that throw me back to a place of doubt and insecurity. The good news is that my recovery time appears to be improving. I already feel a little better. I only spent a few hours in "baby mode" as Vicky dubbed it (the time after not being chosen where I can't function). This is good. I used to live there for days. I have the most amazing daughter I could have ever hoped for. I have a step-daughter who fills us with love. Maybe this is where our life is? Maybe we are only meant for these two beautiful girls? I don't say that with self-pity- I say it with realistic expectation. I guess only time will tell. It's in God's hands. It always has been. It always will be.

Another AWESOME Visit!

Today, Gabi and I spent the day visiting with Gabi's Birth Grandma (Grandma Kathy) and three of her bio siblings- Ashley, Erica, and Tyler. These kids are just AWESOME! They are sooooo kind, and thoughtful and I LOVE visiting with them. They all take such great care of each other, including Gabi. She was shy for about a second and quickly warmed up. It was neat watching the four of them playing together. Every now and then I would watch them, imagining what her life could have been. Had she remained with her family of origin, she would be the fourth of six (soon to be seven) children; much different than her "almost" only childhood here. The age difference between her and Nicki (13 years) seems so huge compared to the 2 years that separate her and Tyler. Words just don't do justice to the way I feel about having contact- no, it's more than contact, it's relationships, with the people who share a genetic connection to my daughter. Open adoption is a gift. A blessing. I am so thankful.

Always an Adventure....

We were supposed to leave for NYC to visit with Howie's family for Thanksgiving on Wed am. Well, Tue night poor Gabi came down with a nasty case of the tummy bug. Not wanting to disrupt everyones lives and after much coaxing- I talked Howie into still going with Nicki. It was so strange being without Howie. I always had this sense that something was missing. Anyway, luckily the bug only lasted about 24 hours, so Gabi and I were able to go to my Mom's for dinner on Thursday. I was so humbled by the fact that we had about 5 sincere Thanksgiving Day dinner invitations from friends once they learned we were staying home.

My friend Julie and her son came over on Wed evening to bake and decorate cookies- it was too much fun! Cousin Haylie put a "little" lipstick on Gabi. Humm, did she even get the lips? LOL!!!!

"It's a Small World After All"

I am soooo happy! As many of you know, I cherish the opportunity to connect with Gabi's birth family. Well, on a whim- I looked up her Aunt on myspace and FOUND HER! We have met a few times- and I feel like I've known her forever. Anyway, she is AMAZING! She is equally as thrilled to be in contact with us. She posted the most beautiful, kind words about Gabi and us on her own blog today. What I love most, is that she considers Gabi her niece, just like any of her other nieces and nephews. I marvel at how lucky we are. Lucky to be a part of continuing contact with Gabi's family, and lucky that we live in a day and time where such endeavours are easily possible. I spent all weekend looking at her myspace profile, seeing her pictures, her stories, learning things about Gabi's birthmom along the way. I can see so many of Gabi's physical features in Aunt Michelle as well as in her siblings, and cousins. I LOVE THAT! It's soooo amazing to me!

Guess Who Has COME to Town?

As hard as it is to believe, Santa made his arrival yesterday at our local mall. Gabi and I met my friend Vicky, her daughter Aleigha and son Travis very early (9am) for a free screening of "The Polar Express" which, I must say, ignited my holiday cheer!

After that, we made our way to Santa's castle for a quick visit. The lines were crazy and we ended up waiting an hour! The clowns helped to pass the time.

Gabi was thrilled with Santa this year. She told him that she wanted "a dance mat that you hook up to the tv and dance on."

As an aside, I think I might have accidentally hit on Santa. As Gabi was leaving, and my feelings of desperation started to surface (you know the thoughts of, if I don't do "A" then "B" will never happen). Sooo, I leaned in and whispered to Santa "Gabi's Mommy really wants a baby, Santa. Do you think you could help her with that?" I swear, Santa's twinkle in his eye glowed brighter as he indicated that he would be happy to.
After lunch we headed down to the train- which I must say I just LOVE to look at. It surrounds a giant Christmas tree. I have always wanted a train under the tree, but have never gotten around to actually purchasing one.
All in all, it was a loooong day but amazing day; I just love looking at life through Gabi's eyes!!! Today, we put the Pink Princess Christmas Tree up in her bedroom! So sweet!!!

LET THE SEASON BEGIN!!!!

The Backseat Driver Strikes Again!

This morning on the way to drop Gabi off at Gram and Pap's I remembered that I needed to write a check I had been forgetting about. So, I pulled out my checkbook and proceeded to pay my debt- when I hear from the backseat "Mom, I think there are more important things for you to pay attention to right now, LIKE YOUR DRIVING". What? Are you kidding me? Is she 4 or 40??? She is SOOOO right. Ugh. So, not wanting to set a bad example....... I quickly....... finished writing the check and told her to never do what Mommy just did. LOL.

Happy Halloween!

Gabi had a blast "Trick or Treating" last night with her cousins, Haylie and Isiah.

Does Your Face Hurt??

Cause it's killing me! Well actually it nearly killed me yesterday when I got a phone call from the school nurse saying that my baby had fallen and needed to see her dr. The GREAT news is that she is FINE! She was running on the playground and tripped falling into a metal bar. Her first injury away from her Mommy and Daddy. Sigh. She did sooo well! What a big girl she is. Last night as we were reflecting on the day, my 40 year old daughter says to me, "Mom, that school nurse sure is a nice lady, she took such good care of me." Lol.

My New Strength

It has been a good week. A very good week indeed. For some blessed reason, I feel in control again. I feel powerful, and strong, and capable. I was so sick of feeling powerless, weak, and defeated. You know those "Aha" moments? Moments where you can almost feel your mindset shift from one place to another? I had one of those this week. The answer for me is simple- LET GO. I have let go of the need for control. I have let go of my need to "make" this adoption happen. In one of those amazing ironies of life, the more I loosen up on my need for control of the situation, the more "in control" of my emotions I feel. I remind myself daily, ( or hourly, or by the minute even) that no matter how much I obsess, or question, or stress, things will happen the way they have always been meant to happen. In God's time. God has a plan for us, all of us. I need to trust that.

I feel like an imposter!

Holy Cow!! As you may know, Gabi is currently enrolled in a Universal Pre-K program at our Elementary School. She has an amazing teacher who has taught K and 1st grade for many years. Anyway, today we had parent/teacher conferences. As I walked into the building, passing other parents and teachers, it occured to me that I was AT A SCHOOL to meet with A TEACHER, no, not just A teacher, MY DAUGHTER'S TEACHER! How was this possible? I was certain that someone was going to grab me and ask for ID. I mean come on, am I really OLD ENOUGH to have a child in school? It's not even the age I question, it's more my maturity level- let's just say- were there ever a "maturity pre-test" required, I am sure I would not even be allow into the parking lot! :) All that aside, I am very pleased to announce that we received a glowing report on Gabi's behalf.

Twins?

Gabi was having trouble falling asleep tonight, so Daddy went into bed with her. This is how I found them 2 hours later............

Fall Fun

We spent the day at a local pumpkin patch with my Mom, my niece Haylie, Nicki, her friend Nikki, and of course Howie, Gabi, and I. It was just perfect weather and we had such a fun day!

Bittersweet Joy

YAY! CONGRATULATIONS are in order here! Friends of ours who have waited for so long, too long are picking up thier son as I write this! How amazingly wonderful! My heart is full of joy for them. Unfortunately, it's also mixed with that pit in my stomach that always seems to surface when a friend announces a pregnancy. I couldn't be happier for them and I'm disgusted with myself for not being able to detach myself from the pain of my own empty arms. Maybe disgusted is too harsh. I also spent time tonight visiting with a recent (07) graduate and her 2 week old daughter. I know our time is nearing, I can feel it. Had another call on the 800 number this morning. That makes 2. She said she would call back in a bit (her children needed her) and she hasn't yet. That was at 9:00 this morning. UGH!

Ouch! This REALLY Hurts!

Today we heard those dreaded words once again "chose to place with another family". I cried. I wailed. I felt sorry for myself. I moved on, with one more reason that our placement will be that much sweeter when it's right. When it happens. I am starting to feel a bit desperate, and I don't like that. I have decided to fully put myself "out there" hoping to find that connection that is meant to be. I know it's out there. I can't yet understand the reason why it took 3 months to bring home Gabi, and at 14 months we are seemingly no closer to baby number 2. I can only imagine that it is because our baby hasn't been born yet. Our baby and the connection that will bring with his or her birth family is in the making. I just know it. I can feel it. We are currently running ads in 3 newspapers, and a few on-line forums.

I am reminded of the following words that have helped me through so many "almosts" (and as we know, almost doesn't count in horseshoes or adoption)

"I don't think a Birth parent chooses her child's parents, as from a Chinese menu, but, rather, recognizes them." ~Amy Jo L.

The Backseat Inquisition

For the past couple of mornings, Gabi has requested that I turn the music off so that we may "chit chat". She then proceeds to throw whammies of questions at me! Yesterday, she wanted to know where the water goes when it rains, and why can't boats go underground if there is water down there, and what a judge does. Yes, that randomly. :) Today, I got "the question", as in "How do babies get into and grow inside of a Mommy's tummy?" I found myself stumbling and uttering words like "uterus". She wanted to know if the uterus was air conditioned. She then asked me if God grew the sun in his tummy. She also wanted to know if God was a boy or a girl. I sometimes wonder if this kid lies awake at night finding ways to rattle me??? :)

Girl's Night

Tonight Gabi and YaYa enjoyed a sleepover at our house. They play so sweet together and giggled like teenagers all evening!

Sue's Hidden Talents

I must take a second to RAVE about the AMAZING paintings our wonderful friend Sue has done for the nursery. Armed with only a picture of the sheet and quilt, she has created artwork that brilliantly matches the entire set. Thanks so much, Sue! We LOVE THEM!!!

Girl Power!

Per her request, Gabi has started "Smart Start" Basketball (she wants to do everything her big sister does). It's an awesome program where we participate with her. I was amazed to learn that Gabi is THE-ONLY-GIRL who registered for the program.

Dancing Queen

Tonight was Gabi's first night of dance. All summer she told me she wanted to take Jazz this year, not Tap. However, at the last moment she recanted. Thus, was our first day of her second year of Tap lessons........

Oh, and the wet tights (legs) would be from her puddle jumping her way into the house!

The Love Boat

OMG!!!!! So they are filming a movie in town, and I happened to be there tonight picking up dance shoes for Gabi. Well I had the distinct honor of meeting Captain Merrill Stubing aka Gavin MacLeod. What an amazing man! How kind he was to speak with. He was even very sweet to Gabi.

I must admit, I was rather "star stuck"!!!

Hi Ho, Hi Ho, It's Off to School She Goes!

We have survived! Gabi had orientation yesterday for Pre-Kindergarten, and her first full day today. She looks like such a big girl with her backpack on!

"Her Future's So Bright......

She's gotta wear shades!?" This is how I found Gabi sleeping tonight when I checked on her. She cracks me up, even in her sleep! Pray for us as I have to return to work tomorrow after spending the entire summer with her. I had my annual meltdown tonight. I'm fine once I get back, it's just the first day that tears me up. Plus, she starts daily U Pre-K this week, so things will never be the same. Thus begins her lifetime of daily responsibility. All I can say is thank goodness for weekends and holidays!! When's our next day off?

Vineyard Vacation

Howie's parents are up this weekend for their annual "Labor Day" visit to our house. Today we spent the day enjoying the beauty of the Finger Lakes and a tour of the local wineries.

Wish Upon a STAR

We finally did it! We moved Nicki downstairs into her new bedroom, and started work on the nursery. Thanks to the help of my dear friend Sue, it is turning out more beautiful than I could have ever imagined!

I chose the Twinkle Twinkle pattern from PBK. I LOVE it!!!

Come on LITTLE ONE!!!! We're All Ready!!!!!!

Woo Hoo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Lady Lions brought in wins on both Friday and Saturday! Alyssa played a lot, which is very impressive for a freshman on opening weekend. She did AMAZING! It was a great weekend!!!

http://gopsusports.cstv.com/sports/w-volley/

****This pic was on the front page of the sports section of today's Daily Collegian. That's Lyss, number 5- celebrating the win!!!!****